Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Reflect on the Mystery of Time


Today I mentioned to a dad at the park that my little girl is going to turn 4 next November. And I had this strange dizzy feeling as I said it, that the world was spinning very fast, and time was passing way too fast, and this life that I love and try to make happy is flying by at breakneck speed.

It almost made me cry.

Now, I know I'm a sentimental softie, and I'm also exhausted and a little sick with allergy stuff right now. But the moment in the park today, combined with the fact that one of my best friends just celebrated her 40th birthday (as she waits to be chosen as an adoptive mama), really got to me.

Time. It is mysterious.

Me. I'm not so mysterious. But I was just 8 years old, like, yesterday. Sitting in a tree writing poems in the woods. Making up sad songs and dreaming about my future husband and future children and future job. (By the way, that's me with the red hair in the picture.)

And now, this is my life. The life I dreamed about in the tree. It's real, fleeting, hard, tough, and pretty amazing most days. I've really got to take it all in. Open my eyes and watch. And listen.

I'm working on it.

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Oh, by the way, I just found out that I love the Finches. This song of theirs, called "The House Under the Hill" really seemed to fit the whole "life flying by" theme of my day, so here are the lyrics if you're interested. Better yet, listen to it for the full effect.


The House Under The Hill :

Well, I'm the same kid I was
Out in the schoolyard
Hallowed my pockets with sticks
From the parking lot
Alone

Though I walked alone
I was sure there was somebody
There on my shoulder, quietly guiding me
Home

I counted to 1000, 2000, and even
Math game and nicknames for friends
That I rarely meet
But years roll along, along so graciously
And so gracefully we age into infinity
Oh

There is a house under a hill
With no windows, with no doors
And everything I've ever lost is there
Between the boards and beams
Oh, old friendships
Old virginity
A younger little ghost of me
Together, they are celebrating
All the time they've gained:
"Tonight, again, we celebrate
another tiny gain!"

Alone, I am nameless
And fearless and faceless
I see just my knees
And two hands held in front of me
Mine for this lifetime
So kindly I'll treat them
My blood pumps
My lungs bellow
So I will let them be.

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Does time feel fast or slow to you at this stage of your life?

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