No Regrets: A Happiness Interview

Happiness Interview with Susan


Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! Today's focus is Susan.


Susan is a fellow red-head, so when I first met her, I knew we would hit it off. She is an outgoing, intelligent mom of 3 and wife of a military man. I was Susan's oldest son's SLP for a while when he was just a tiny kiddo, and one of my fondest memories of their family is the princess birthday party they threw for their daughter, in which Susan convinced all of her husband's Navy friends to attend the party dressed in full "prince" garb. What a magical day for a 5 year old girl! This type of creativity and thoughtfulness is just everyday living for Susan (which is probably one of the reasons she was so great at helping her kids learn--what a great family to work with!), and I was thrilled to hear her insights about happiness. 


Here are her answers to my happiness questions:


1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?

I had to take a few days to think about this. It’s not always an active or conscious action. I’m a firm believer in personal accountability and personal choice. I *choose* to be happy! I had to learn to say “what’s the worst that could happen?” (Thanks Dad!) and recognize that I can’t change other people or outside influences; but I CAN change my reaction to them. We have a long line of alcoholics in our family, so my folks started teaching us NOT to find happiness and comfort in things, e.g. alcohol, food, etc. I feel a warm breeze, see a cardinal in the snow, or the smell of fresh rain… it makes me happy. Even my kids arguing… at least I’m alive to hear them fighting! 


2. What's something you've discovered that you'd like your kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews to know about happiness?

My husband wakes me up most mornings with the saying “It’s a beautiful day and it’s great to be alive!” Interesting that he learned this from his swim coach in high school. We never dreamed how prevalent it would be in our lives down the road. Also, you can't buy happiness. It is something you have to find within yourself. Life is full of bumpy roads, and there are no guarantees. Make the most of every situation and never have any regrets! Regrets are like guilt, they are a waste of time and energy!


3. What's a little thing you do regularly that makes you happy?

Well, lately it has been running again. I used to scrapbook and am planning on getting back into that. But something I do every day? I have to get out of bed, no matter how early my husband leaves, to see him to the door, give him a hug and kiss and then wave as he leaves. I feel like it grounds me for the day. Again, no regrets. Not that I think anything is going to happen to him, but it gives us that bond to start our day. We’re a unified front and no matter what either of us encounters during the day, we feel connected and strong to handle it! It really sucks when he’s deployed and I can’t do it!


4. What are some of the toughest struggles you've had to go through so far in your life, and how did you find a way to be happy amidst the struggle?

Wow, this is such a loaded question. My answer will come out sounding like a really bad after-school special or a sappy Lifetime channel movie. :o) Okay, I’ll just throw it all out. Life since getting married in 1997 has been full of speed bumps. We’ve had 3 miscarriages, one at 3 months-our first pregnancy, which they found out during the ultrasound, another at 6 weeks and the last when my water broke at 4 months on the dance floor of the Submarine Ball. In 2003, life got really complicated. I was diagnosed with cancer, our first son was diagnosed with Autism and my husband left for the military. Our 2nd son was then diagnosed 3 weeks after my husband left for the 2nd deployment. We’ve now been through 4 deployments in 7 years. The last 2 years have been the hardest. My husband left for Iraq March of 2009. Our cat died 3 weeks later, but most devastating, I lost my Mom in May. In October, my Uncle died. I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital due to an emergency hysterectomy because I lost 2 units of blood in 6 days and they couldn’t stop it. And of course, because life wants to always show you who’s boss, on New Year’s Eve, my dog and I were attacked by 2 pit bulls. In April of this year, my husband finally came home! A week later, my Aunt passed away and my Dad had to have triple bypass! Mike reported to his new ship and was promptly deployed again for 3 more months. We had a quiet few months and then this past Sunday we lost my Great-Uncle, the closest thing to a Grandpa I ever had. So…. All that said, how do I stay happy and optimistic? No, not alcohol. :o) It could always be worse! Seriously! Everyone has devastating issues in their lives. It may not seem that way to us, it’s all about perspective. I always try and usually do find a silver lining. It may not be a big one, but it helps. With my Mom’s death, it freed my Dad to come up here and help me this past year with everything I went through. He wasn’t able to do that when he was caring for my Mom. I believe my Mom is responsible for getting my Dad into the doctor’s. I think she was gently squeezing his arm letting him know to get things checked BEFORE he had a heart attack or stroke! Lastly, there are 2 poems that are my personal anthems. One my Dad introduced me to in H.S. and the other is my husband’s favorite.


Desiderata 

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons they are vexations to the spirit. 

If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. 

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. 

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. 

-- Max Ehrmann


If
By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; 
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, 
But make allowance for their doubting too; 
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, 
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, 
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; 

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; 
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; 
If you can meet with triumph and disaster 
And treat those two imposters just the same; 
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken 
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, 
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 
And lose, and start again at your beginnings 
And never breath a word about your loss; 
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 
To serve your turn long after they are gone, 
And so hold on when there is nothing in you 
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; 
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; 
If all men count with you, but none too much; 
If you can fill the unforgiving minute 
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - 
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, 
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!


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Isn't Susan neat?  I really like the reminder to be a "unified front" with my hubby, and to start each day with "no regrets."  Thanks so much, Susan, for inspiring me!






Do you have any "personal anthems" that you return to often?  I'd love to hear what they are if so!

Work hard to try to better yourself, but remember to appreciate what you have.

A Happiness Interview with my Dad

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! Today's focus is my dad, Terry.  My dad inspires me in so many ways, but probably the main things I appreciate about him are that he always expected the best from my sister and me, and that he modeled a strong work ethic for us.  He taught me a lot about setting goals and working hard to reach them.  He and my mom saved up for years and years, bought some land in the woods (we called it "the property" back then), and then when I was in second grade, my dad designed and built us a house on the land.  I remember him working his day job in construction, a side job on the weekend, and building our house in his "spare" time.  He's always been a great provider for the family, and for a gruff burly guy in construction, he's actually very affectionate and kind hearted.  Here are his responses to my happiness interview questions: 


1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?
I try to maintain a good attitude. I also try to look for the positive in situations. I do get mad and I do get sad. Those aren't positive things, so I try not to live there, just visit. Your mother knows me better and may think I visit the mad side too often. When I feel sad or blue, it usually involves memories of someone I lost or pain we went through, which also brings up happy memories we had together.

2. What's something you've discovered that you'd like your kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews to know about happiness?
Happiness is an attitude. It is the way you percieve things. You can make yourself miserable or you can make yourself happy. I sort of think life is meant to be balanced. If you have great happiness, you are bound to have great sorrows, and usually they are closely related. So the goal is to try to remain on the happy side of the scale, but don't push it, and don't expect too much. Work hard to try to better yourself, but remember to appreciate what you have.

3. What's a little thing you do regularly that makes you happy?
I think about my family. I am very proud of my wife, my daughters, and my granddaughters. I think of how lucky I am to have their love.

4. What are some of the toughest struggles you've had to go through so far in your life, and how did you find a way to be happy amidst the struggle?
The toughest struggles in my life have involved my family and friends. Both daughters were born premature--the second more so than the first. The deaths of my father, then my mother. My wife going through heart surgury. My youngest daughter having problems giving birth to her daughter. Deaths of other loved ones. All of these moments were tough and bring back sad memories, but all of them I went through with the help of my family and friends. My daughters are now doing fine, so are my wife and granddaughters. You don't ever get over the death of family or friends. But you try to appreciate the good memories. I don't think I tried to find a way to be happy amidst the struggle. I just appreciated having family and friends to help go through it and tried to be positive about the outcome. The best way to be happy is to keep a positive attitude. I like the saying,  "the best part of your life is just around the corner."

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This past year, I've learned a lot about happiness.  And one of the main things I think I'm learning is that sometimes there is just no way to be happy amidst a struggle.  Some struggles are just too heavy.  And in those cases, the people who are willing to sit with you while you're sad or who are there to just be with you in silence when there's nothing to say, are the positive side of the situation.  I think my dad says this beautifully, "I just appreciated having family and friends to help go through it."

And my favorite quote from his interview was this, "Work hard to try to better yourself, but remember to appreciate what you have."  This is the crux of happiness to me, the balance of these very two issues.  I think I do a good job of working to better myself, but I often forget to appreciate what's in front of me.



How has your father (or step father or grandfather or spiritual father) influenced the way you think about your life?  

Happiness Interview with Debi

Debi is an amazing mom to an equally amazing kiddo. Debi's daughter was diagnosed with autism when she was about 3 years old, and I was her daughter's SLP for several of those early years. I really loved working with Debi and her daughter--both have such creative and fun spirits. Debi is one of those people who is at once sarcastic, sincere, funny, and deep, and I was excited to see what she had to say about happiness. Here are her answers to my happiness questions:

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1. What's a little thing you do regularly that makes you happy?
I cuddle up in bed and read a good quote book.

2. When you're feeling blue, what do you do to cheer yourself up?
I look at anything to do with my daughter. A picture of her, a picture she has colored, something she has written...anything...

3. What do you want your child to know about happiness?
Happiness is more important than money, fame, or any material possession. Having happiness is having true life. Without it our spirit dies.

4. What advice would you offer to other moms of children with special needs about life and happiness?
Enjoy every second that you can with your child. Grab chances to savor the quiet. If you listen to your child more than you worry about your child, you can learn a lot about happiness and even more about life. Let go of the guilt that a disability can hang over your head. Your child does not hold you accountable for what is wrong with them; they only see how you help life become right for them. Smile and show your child that you love them and are happy with them just the way they are. Oh! Don't forget to grab some chocolate every chance you get!

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"Your child does not hold you accountable for what is wrong with them; they only see how you help life become right for them."

I love this quote. I think every parent needs to remember this, not just parents of children with special needs.



How do you make life "become right" for the children in your life?

Get Lost in A Good Movie

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! Today's focus is Barbara.

Barbara is a fellow SLP I used to work with, who is also a doting grandmother to her two grandchildren, ages 10 and 5. Because her daughter has a chronic illness, Barbara keeps her grandchildren three days a week, and works closely with her ex-husband and their daughter to raise their grandchildren. All this in addition to her full time job! She has survived significant tragedy and hurt in her life, and yet is consistently positive, friendly, caring, and giving. One of the things I remember most about Barbara is that she always brought little gifts for the cafeteria workers and custodians at the school where we worked every Christmas. Also, (I didn’t work with her then, but other teachers told me this story) when one of the young teachers she worked with became pregnant (and wasn’t married—which was quite the scandal in a small town!), Barbara was the first to congratulate her and begin organizing a baby shower. She just has a huge heart for others. And I think we have a lot to learn from her. Anyway, here are Barbara’s answers to my happiness interview questions:

1. What's something small that you do regularly that makes you happy or cheers you up?

I go to the movies pretty regularly. This really cheers me up, because either I laugh a lot (comedies), or forget my own troubles for a while, and I often walk out inspired. I feel better even when I see a scary movie…because I am glad it doesn’t resemble my life at all. I’ll gladly take my own life back and not switch places.

2. What would you like for your children or grandchildren to know about happiness?

Abraham Lincoln’s quote of saying “people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” is what I believe to be true….which means Attitude and Perception is everything! The same thing can happen to two different people, and one person views it as a catastrophe, and the other views it as an opportunity for God and the Universe to surprise them with a happy outcome, or at the very least to learn a lesson or become stronger, more compassionate from having survived the ordeal. Every time we live through something difficult, we have more depth of character and empathy for others who have gone or will go through something similar.

3. What do you do to keep yourself and your family happy amidst life's struggles?

My grandchildren are the joy of my life! We read books and laugh together (yes, we aren’t afraid to act silly or have good, clean fun) and discuss things (deep things, too). I share inspiring stories about real people who have gone through real problems and managed to come out the other side with their Faith, Hope and Love in their heart intact, strengthened even. These are the things that have gotten me through a life of losing my parents (at 6 and 10), being neglected and abused, having chronic pain/illness, having a close relative murdered, and my daughter’s suicide. And I still believe God is Good, Loving, Forgiving, and that this is a loving, friendly Universe where most people are good and want to do good, and would not willingly hurt other people. We have the philosophy that “people are doing the best they can with what they know and who they are at any given moment.” (So who are we to judge?….live and let live.) These are the things our family concentrates on most, and are our philosophy of life!

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I really love the part about how every experience gives us deeper empathy for others. And perhaps her great empathy is what makes her love movies so much...she can easily get sucked into the story, because she has such empathy even for characters in a movie.



What tough experiences in your life have given you broader empathy for others? For me, having a grandfather who was gay (even if I was young when he died), and learning the tragedy of his angry life trying to be a straight man, has given me a deep empathy for people who are lesbian and gay, since a young age. Do you think the hard experiences are worth it for the empathy you gain?

Cereal Can Make You Happy

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! Today's focus is Katie.

Katie was the assistant principal at a school where I used to work. (She’s now the principal there---yay, Katie!) I always remember that school, and that job in particular, as a happiness oasis in my past work experiences. And a big part of that was due to Katie. She always had a smile and a laugh ready, and she took the time to ask her teachers and staff about their lives, and to share in their joys and concerns. I was thrilled that, even with her busy life as a principal and mom of two, she found time to do a happiness interview! Here are her answers to my happiness questions:

1. What's something small that you do regularly that makes you happy or cheers you up?

Lately I have eaten a LOT of Chocolatey Delight Special K– yum! [By the way, that really is Chocolatey Delight Special K in the photo! Don't you want some now?] Of course, I don’t want to feed happiness, or I will be a blimp. Being in my husband’s arms or spending time with my daughters is the best pick me up around. God has blessed me with a beautiful family, and for that I am thankful. Often, I call my husband and just ask him to talk for just a minute or two. Just the sound of his voice helps. Jumping on the trampoline is a silly pick me up. Going into our Pre-K or special needs preschool classes is a pick me up. Oh, and I forgot to mention puppy kisses. They are the greatest!

2. What would you like for your children to know about happiness?

I try to stress all the time that although we may not have lots of money, we are so rich -– we are happy and healthy. Happiness is the most important thing to hope for in life. Strive for happiness, and your life will be good. Of course, there will always be sadness in life, but maybe that helps us to recognize the happiness that much more.

3. What do you do to keep yourself and your family happy amidst life's struggles?

We spend time together in a variety of silly ways. We always kiss goodbye, always give a happy hello, take deep breaths. I just try to keep putting life in perspective -– and to remember that there is nothing more important than family.

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I agree that chocolate, preschoolers, puppies, and hugs from my husband and daughter are really the best pleasures in life! I also love that Katie said that one of the things she does to keep her family happy is to be silly. I think we often discount the whole idea of being silly with the ones we love, and it’s a really important part of family happiness!



What are your favorite silly family memories from when you were a kid?

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On an unrelated, but totally amazing, sidenote, I just stumbled upon the blog of a young mom who had a traumatic brain injury, as well as her mom's blog documenting the ordeal, the recovery, and the miracles along the way. Talk about finding happiness amidst crippling struggles. This family shares the horror, the hope, and everything in between. I stayed up until after midnight reading this story, and am inspired and humbled by it.

Look Back Once in a While

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! This week's focus is Dana. Dana is a fellow SLP working in early intervention in Georgia. She has 3 children and owns her own speech practice. She balances work & family seamlessly, so I was interested to hear her answers to my happiness questions. Here they are:

1. What's something small that you do regularly that makes you happy or cheers you up?

I look at home videos of my kids when they were babies. It really makes me appreciate how quickly they are growing and changing. Listening to their laughter or words makes me happy.

2. What would you like for your children to know about happiness?

Happiness is priceless. It costs nothing. Little things like sunny days can make you feel happy.

3. What do you do to keep yourself and your family happy amidst life's struggles?

Try to keep routines, like having dinner together. The routine of sitting down and talking about our day is something that we all look forward to.

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I completely agree that looking back at videos of my daughter gives me a huge happiness boost. There's something about watching adorable memories unfold that puts the little stresses of life in perspective. Thanks, Dana, for your insights! (And by the way, the video at the top is of my little one's first steps! Enjoy the excitement!)


By the way, I really enjoyed this post from my friend Lauren, who writes the blog Sharing the Journey. Her idea about "treating yourself" one sense at a time each day of the week is something I'd like to try!


What memories make you happy?

Bath+Book+Wine=Happy Mama

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! This week's focus is Dianne.

Dianne is a friend of mine who I met working in early intervention in Georgia. She is a social worker, and works to help families with disabilities learn ways to support their children's growth and development. She is also an organizational guru, and writes the Clutter Free Journey blog about how to declutter your home and life. She has a gift for helping people grow and make progress in their life. Most recently, she's inspired a big change in my home via her "10-item-per-day Clutter Challenge". Oh, and on top of all that, she's a mom to 3 boys! Here are her answers to my happiness questions:

1. What's something small that you do regularly that makes you happy or cheers you up?

1. A long, hot bath with a good book and a glass of wine!
2. Being creative, ie: sewing, decorating, refinishing furniture, painting, blogging
3. Reading, I have at least 4 books at a time, that I am reading at most times
4. Talking to and spending time with friends
5. Meditating. I really notice a difference when I practice regularly. It helps me see things in a different light and keeps it all in perspective.

2. What would you like for your children to know about happiness?

Their attitude is the most important indicator of their happiness and that other people will bring joy to your life but are not responsible to make you happy. Happiness is in the simplest things, that you need to be aware of while they are happening and not miss them.

3. What do you do to keep yourself and your family happy amidst life's struggles?

Keep the faith and find happiness in the simplest of things, appreciating what we do have.



I agree with Dianne that a good bath is soo nice! And being creative regularly really does boost my happiness, too.



What simple things do you appreciate about today?

The Restorative Walk and What Babies Teach Us

About once a week or so, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! This week's focus is Emily.

Emily was our daughter's nanny for a while, and was such an amazing partner for us in caring for Flanna! From the moment I met her, I knew that she was the right nanny for us, and I've never had another caregiver who's ever come close to her in the intuitive and thoughtful way she treated our daughter. Emily has a spanish degree, lived in a yurt once upon a time, has compassion for all living things, is a rescuer of animals, is married to a kind artist, is a doula, and is now a mommy to an adorable little son. She has a quiet confidence that I wish I had, and I was really thrilled that she agreed to answer my happiness questions! Here are her responses:


1. When you're feeling blue, what do you do to make yourself happier?

It depends on the shade of blue. Sometimes I like to take a walk...
actually, a walk almost always helps, but sometimes it's more
difficult to get myself out and doing it than others. If I'm stuck in
the house, I like to take a hot shower and envision all my stress
being washed out (or sometimes I imagine the water is irrigating me
with good vibes, if I'm just "down" for no identifiable cause). If I
have enough time to myself, I'll turn off the lights in the living
room and practice yoga by myself -- I don't turn on a dvd or follow
any routine, I just move and stretch until I feel better (or until the
baby wakes up).

2. What's a little thing that you do regularly that makes you happy?

I wove this little basket that hangs by my front door. It's my worry
basket. Whenever I come back home, I mentally leave my worries in that
basket. Sometimes I take a trip outside just to "put" my worries in
it! It helps that I think the basket is really cute, and I'm pretty
proud that I actually wove a tiny basket.

3. What's something you've discovered that you'd you like your
child to know about happiness?

Well, for right now, my son's the one teaching me about happiness.
He really knows how to enjoy the moment and how to let the upsetting
moments float on by. Once he's done crying, it's like it never
happened.. he can go right back to being happy, as soon as the
situation has improved. He doesn't dwell on that uncomfortably wet
diaper he had an hour ago. When someone is funny and friendly with
him, he enjoys their presence without guarding himself. When he wakes
up in the morning, he smiles and squeals and meets the day with
excitement. It truly is a brand new day for him, another opportunity
to play and explore and learn. I'm trying to wake up with that kind of
attitude, too.

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I agree that kids are able to wipe the slate clean much more quickly than we are, and that we old folks should work toward that again. Also, a good walk does more for my happiness than a hundred dark chocolate Hershey kisses. I think that was one of the reasons I was so happy in Athens…we had such a walking lifestyle that I got exercise and sunshine and social experiences without really trying. Also, I’m super jealous of anyone who can weave anything. And while jealousy might not increase my happiness level, I do think the visualization of leaving my worries at the door is a great idea. Thanks, Emily, for your insights!



What have children in your life taught you about happiness?

Remember Screw-ups who Became Bible Heroes, and other Wisdom

About once a week, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! This week's focus is Amy.

I grew up with Amy. We went to church together at the Hampton United Methodist Church when we were growing up, and also went to school together from preschool to high school. We went to different colleges, and she moved back to our home turf after getting her master’s and getting married. She’s a full-time mom now to an adorable little toddler, and she also works as a Minister of Christian Education at her church. She’s always been one of those people who just seemed to me to have it all together. She stuck to her morals even when it wasn’t cool, and some of the best most thoughtful conversations of my life were ones I had with her in middle school. Seriously, she was just thoughtful about life from an early age. I hope you’ll be as inspired as I was by her replies to my happiness interview questions.

1. When you're feeling blue, what do you do to make yourself happier?

I frequently struggle with anxiety and depression, so this is a question I ask myself often. When I start to feel a bout of depression coming on (and it does, like waves) I try to do two things. First, I try to re-center my life around God. When I see myself as the world sees me, I get depressed. I'm not wealthy or gorgeous and I spend more time changing diapers and cleaning house than doing fun things. My first impulse to combat depression is to drink more (which helps a bit, hah!), spend money I don't have on clothes I don't need, or buy more makeup. When this doesn't help as a long-term solution, I open up my Bible and remind myself that I am of great worth and that God, fully knowing what an incompetent adult I've turned out to be, still loves me. I enjoy reading Bible stories about screw-ups who turned out to be important people: David, Paul, Rahab, etc. This helps immensely.
The second thing I try to do is focus on other people. When you try to help someone else out, it's easier to forget how crummy you feel about your own life. Plus, it helps you feel grateful for the many blessings you do have. My new mantra is "I could be in Haiti." I'll get all bent out of shape about sitting in traffic when there are people in Haiti who are hungry and homeless and looking for loved ones. My problems are so small in comparison!

2. What's a little thing that you do regularly that makes you happy?

I lose myself in a good book.

3. What's something you've discovered that you'd you like your child(ren) to know about happiness?

I want my daughter to know that happiness isn't something you get from other people or from any tangible objects. When we have a relationship with God, we can have happiness (peace) regardless of our circumstances. I'd also like to tell her that this process isn't as easy as it seems. It takes constant work to remind yourself of this truth. Please remind me of this if you run in to me at CVS with a basket full of makeup. : )

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I love the idea of remembering that we are of great worth, and that many pretty royal screw-ups turned out to be biblical heroes in the end! I've also heard a lot of my friends say that comparing themselves to those in Haiti has made them appreciate their lot in life more these days. Sometimes contemplating sadness can actually lead us toward happiness, or at least toward noticing good things. And I also agree that we have to work at it to be happy or at peace. Here's to working at it...that's what this whole blog is about!



What about yourself do you think is "of great worth"?

Woodstove+Book+Dog = One Happy Texter

What? Me, interview you?

About once a week, I've been trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me. Today, I'm focusing on someone who has inspired me (and sometimes bossed me) to do the right thing more times than I can count. Someone who has helped me maintain my faith regardless of my phase in life, and who has never been afraid to make big changes in her life when they needed to be made.

Yep, the bossy part gave it away. It's my sister! (she's the blonde in the pic, by the way!)

Seriously, Jessica is a pretty amazing person, if I do say so myself. She's a single mom by choice who was brave enough to be a rather young foster mom to some adorable kiddos, one of whom she (finally!) officially adopted last year (yay!!!). She's also one of those people who is gifted in the ability to communicate with teenagers, which is not exactly the average layman's forte. She's somehow able to be straightforward without being pushy and to be supportive without being nosy. I have no idea how she does it, but she just gets the turmoil that is growing up. Did I mention she's a high school teacher? Talk about finding your niche.

Oh, and I forgot my favorite thing about her. She's completely cheesy. I mean it. Her cards and notes will just make you cry if you're not careful. (I'm kinda cheesy, too. I think maybe we get that from our mom, who's never been afraid to say what needs to be said even if it embarrassed us (i.e., "I love you SO much, sweetie!" in front of our cool friends on the first day of high school).)

Anyway, here are Jessica's answers to my happiness interview questions:

1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?

it depends on why i'm feeling blue. if it's a work issue, i go find a trusted work friend and we have a vent/hug/scream/cry session. if it's just a general blah day, i'll do something random like take my daughter out for a special treat like hibachi dinner or waffle house or ice cream or a donut. or i put on a favorite CD and we sing along. or once my daughter’s in bed, i'll pick up a "blue day" book and read a page or two that i previously folded down. or buy a new book and read it while sitting by the woodstove with my dog. or email/text/call someone. but you have to pick the right someone for the situation -- certain folks are better with certain situations.

2. What have been the happiest experiences of your life so far?

there are so many that it's hard to pick THE HAPPIEST, but here are some that rank high up there:

*my daughter's adoption day
*my niece’s birth
*so many awesome Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays with family & friends & my favorite ever foster kids -- I LOVE the holidays!
*Disney and beach trips with my family & some awesome friends
*chaperoning the senior trip with amazing friends/coworkers
*Gatlinburg trips with friends/coworkers -- oh the memories!
*camping trips with friends & family
*hanging out with the whole family in WY or the other side of the family in GA
*summer as a counselor at Girl Scout Camp
*hanging out with wonderful church friends at Wednesday night suppers, retreats, doing service projects, etc.
*coffee hour with such amazing friends
*game nights
*girls' night out



3. What is something small that you do regularly that makes you happier?

I am a relationship person. At this point in my life I'm completely happy with myself and by myself, but I enjoy time with friends and family one-on-one or in small groups. It makes me happy to spend face-time (or at least facebook-time) with the people who mean the most to me. I completely LOVE Wednesday nights because I get to sit around with my favorite folks from church and share our life adventures with love and laughter. I used to be very anti-cell phone and anti-facebook. BUT... I now have texting and facebook addictions because I can use them to keep up with my friends and family near and far, thus maintaining our involvement in each other's daily lives in spite of the miles between us.


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Wisdom from my big sis. Who, by the way, is the fastest texter I've EVER met in my life. Seriously, in the time it just took me to write this sentence on my laptop, she probably just texted a whole paragraph to one of her friends. It's a gift. And, apparently, a gift that boosts her happiness! So more power to her!


I love how texting is such a non-instrusive way to stay connected to other people. I especially appreciated texting when my daughter was tiny and napped much of the day. My phone ringing seemed so intrusive and rude, but a text "ping" seemed so gentle and thoughtful. Do you text, and if not, why not?

The Ritual of Good Tea

What? Me, interview you?

About once a week, I've been trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me. This week's focus is on Lauren, a friend of mine and a blogging mama who inspires not only me, but a whole heck of a lot of folks. Her blog, "Sharing the Journey": Life after Postpartum Depression, offers support to parents who need it from someone who's been there before.

1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?

I give myself permission to be lazy. I'll fix a special meal (this could even be Ramen in a special mug) and plop down on the couch for a favorite movie. The ensuing relaxation really cheers me up.


2. What have been the happiest experiences of your life so far?

One of the happiest moments of my life so far is being able to see my three kids thrive and care for each other. Never fails to bring a smile to my face.


3. What is something small that you do regularly that makes you happier?

I drink good tea on a daily basis. I buy loose leaf so there is an entire routine which goes along with drinking tea. It is my treat to myself every day.


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Mmm, good tea... Speaking of which, I think it's time for a little decaf chai latte while I give myself permission to veg on the couch with my hubby. Thanks for the inspiration, Lauren!

Smile When You Wake Up

Last year, I had the privilege of having a weekly "girls' night out" with some of my dear friends. It was one of most effective ways of boosting my happiness that I have ever experienced, and now that I have moved, I miss it so much! One of my dear friends that started these "girls' nights" with me is Lauren Earl Carter. Lauren is a consistently sweet and cheerful person who also happens to have the most adorable English accent you've ever heard. (I had a friend crush on her from the moment I met her and was so pleased to become her friend!) Anyway, she's been through some pretty yucky struggles since she moved back to America recently...from regular old homesickness to immigration issues to applying and getting funding for grad school (she's going to be a really exceptional social worker one day!), to figuring out how to juggle a job and school and life as a newlywed. The amazing thing about Lauren to me, though, is that throughout all her hectic schedule and being thousands of miles from her family, she maintains a positive and encouraging spirit. She is one of those people that leaves you feeling energized and happy!

I admit it--I'm jealous! And so I wanted to learn how she does it. So...

Here are a few of her answers to some of my happiness questions:

1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?
Baking cakes and pies - especially baking the things my mother used to make for me as a child - cheer's me up whenever I'm feeling bad! But for a quicker solution, a vanilla chia tea also does the job!

2. What have been the happiest experiences of your life so far?
a. Seeing how proud my dad was of me when I graduated from University.

b. Being married. It's been such a wonderful experience so far, and I love the ways my husband can continually surprise me, and realizing that we still have so much more to learn about each other.

c. Being in graduate school. As hard as it is, training to be in a career that you love is so rewarding and fulfilling each day!



3. What is something small that you do regularly that makes you happier?
When I was growing up, I was told that if I smiled as soon as I woke up in the morning, I would smile for the rest of the day. That's my preventative measure for waking up on the wrong side of the bed!


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So now we know her secret...smiling and vanilla chai tea! I do think that just smiling can lift my spirits. What a good idea to smile first thing each day. I'm going to try it this week. Of course, I'm already on vacation with my family, so I'm not sure how much happier I can get, but it's worth a shot!


What's your favorite comfort food?

Singing and the Shower

I am lucky enough to know quite a few people who have not just sat back and let life happen to them, but who have taken steps to make their lives what they want them to be. One of these people is Jessica, my sister’s best friend from college, who I have come to know and love, as well. Jessica is a chemist and a single mom by choice. She is a pretty amazing new mom who actually makes her own baby food AND works full time. (Did you know that’s actually possible?!?) Anyway, I think she’s pretty inspiring. Here are her answers to 3 of my happiness questions:

1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?

I do my best to remember that other people have “it” worse (whatever that may be). I had a group of friends that was VERY cynical and discovered that it really affected my day to day outlook and I stopped hanging around with them as much. Being positive and seeing the bright side is a conscious choice that keeps me from getting bogged down in self pity. Even music choices affect things. If I listen to hard tales about broken hearts, etc. it’s easy to start feeling like that’s my life. If I choose upbeat or fun or even well-done pensive songs, I feel better.

2. What have been the happiest experiences of your life so far?

I had a blast in grad school going out and partying with friends, but that wasn’t meant to carry over into “real” life. My son, for sure – dancing, playing on the floor, feeling him move while I was pregnant, you name it. Robby gave me a higher purpose in life. Reconnecting with distant friends and relatives through email/facebook/letters, whatever.

3. What is something small that you do regularly that makes you happier?

Take my time in the shower really letting the water run over my head (this is pretty therapeutic too – been known to sob in the shower when I needed to). Cook interesting, healthy meals for myself or others. Sing LOUDLY in the car. Focus on something I can control and try not to worry about the rest.

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See, I told you she's inspiring!

OK, I know there’s a ton of research out there documenting how marriage satisfaction and overall satisfaction in life drop when you have children, but, seriously, those studies must be flawed! I totally agree with Jessica that having a child gives me a sense of a higher purpose in life, which just MUST be related to happiness. Maybe “satisfaction” is different than happiness? Just an idea.

Also, after I interviewed Jessica, I really paid attention to the way music affected my happiness level for a few days. It really did make me happier to listen to upbeat artists! And it was nice to give myself an extra reason to listen to cheesy songs on my way in between clients’ houses. (I normally listen to Spanish learning CDs in the car, but I’m taking a little break over the holidays. Sometimes it makes me happy to take a break from things that make me happy, like learning another language!)

What songs or artists make you happiest?

On Tiny Little Moments and Half Full Friends

What? Me, interview you?

I'm going to start posting interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! Hopefully I'll post one per week, but who knows how it will work out. And here's my first interview!! Tada!!

It’s only fitting that the first happiness interview I post here is with someone who has brought me joy and happiness since 8th grade…my best friend, Kelley. Kelley is a screenwriter in sunny California. Yes, that’s right, she’s living the dream. She left her high stress job as an actuary in Boston to pursue a career that she might actually love one day.

Kinda cool, huh?

We’ve had a long relationship that has changed a lot over the years. Our friendship has survived:

* middle school (and braces!),

* high school (as nerdy academic/math team girls with a flair for theater!),

* living together as college roommates (BTW, living with me while I was in college was not a picnic, so kudos to Kelley for weathering that harrowing year of me never doing dishes, laundry, or pretty much anything other than studying!),

* living near one another in snowy (aka the frigid arctic) Boston,

And now we are long distance friends who persevere against all odds (seriously, a 3 hour time difference is all odds!) to stay friends.

Kelley is someone who finishes my sentences, which I really appreciate, since I have a bit of a word-finding problem. On a more serious note, she has also dealt gracefully with the recent death of her mother, and has somehow maintained faith and a (sometimes sick!- she made me say that!) sense of humor.

Here are my questions followed by her answers to some happiness questions:

1. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling blue?

I watch movies. This is also what I do to fill the time between waking and sleeping. :-)

When I'm the mad-shade of blue, I might also run or exercise. Also, list-making of how I'm going to get back on track helps. The biggest thing I do when I'm blue is I get myself away from my blue friends! We all have them, and when I'm feeling half-empty instead of half-full, the half-empty people get rescheduled. My half-empty would otherwise be poured into THEIR half-empty, and what good does that do? THEY still see it half-empty even with my last remaining drops! Retail therapy used to be a good fix, but now I hate shopping, so that's out. It's more of a cold-weather sport, if you ask me.

2. What have been the happiest experiences of your life so far?

I'm still waiting for them!

No... In general, I don't like BIG moments, so I'm far happier in a tiny little moment where I have a good conversation with a friend or when my dog does something cute. So "happiest" is a big word that stresses me out to think about. Graduation or a Wedding is enough to send me to the asylum, thus I'm getting married in Vegas and only went to the two graduations I had to attend out of the four. :-)

3. What is something small that you do regularly that makes you happier?

It's stupid, but exercising. If I don't run for a span of 5 days, even if there's a good reason, I start to get down on myself and think that I'm not moving forward in my life - since I run on a treadmill, the running isn't literally moving me forward, but you know what I mean. This is for selfish happiness though. Ultimately, I think the best happiness and more substantial kind comes from giving to others. Be it free room and board, paying my dog-walker a little extra, or remembering someone's favorite treat from Starbucks and surprising them with it, things like that pay you back in smiles and fill you up far more than just a normal moment would. In the long run, these things end up being selfish too because what greater joy is there than for someone to tell you you're such a nice person - and you actually know the things you did that made them say that!

Can you classify your friends as half-empties or half-fulls? What do you think your friends classify YOU as?