Be Unhurried

My new favorite nail color -- Rosy Future.  Nice and natural but shiny. 

This has been the first weekend in a while that we didn't have big plans, and it has been so rejuvenating.  I slept in a tiny bit, took a nice long bath, and made breakfast--french toast for Flanna and her friend who's staying over this weekend, and eggs and sausage for the grown ups.  And I didn't feel hurried through any of those tasks!  It was so nice.

Then, I went to yoga with a friend, and we ran into another friend at the gym and ended up taking a nice long walk after the yoga class.  Again, unhurried--so nice!

Then, I came home and had lunch, painted my nails and the girls' (love this new color!), and made myself some hot tea (Cinnamon Chai, yum).  And now I have a few hours of endless options before Flanna has her Valentine's Dance for school.  Should I read a book?  Check Facebook?  Take a nap?  (Sleeping is my hobby!  That option sounds the best!)

As much as I love doing fun things and being with friends and family, sometimes it can be exhausting to go, go, go every weekend.  Being unhurried this morning has been refreshing!  Which makes me think that perhaps I should try harder to be unhurried more often in my normal routine. I could plan in a little margin of error in our morning commute, maybe.  I could more consistently make lunches at night, when there is no time pressure, rather than in the mornings when we are on a tight schedule.  I could plan my meals for the week ahead of time and be sure I have everything I need for each one, so I don't have to stop by the grocery store for any missing ingredients on the way home from work and school.  I could give myself a wide window between activities and appointments.  That way, when my daughter remembers that her jacket is all the way upstairs at the exact moment that we should be walking out the door for something, I can respond calmly, because I have planned ahead to be unhurried.  I'm definitely less snappish when I don't have to hurry.  And being non-snappish definitely makes me happier!



Do you feel this way, too?  That you're always hurrying and need to step back from that?  How can you try to be less hurried this week?  

Getting ready for her Valentine's Dance today

Forget not the Beauty of the In-Between

One of my favorite songs is Deb Talan's "The Gladdest Thing" (based on Edna St. Vincent Millay's poem, Afternoon on a Hill), and one of the best lines in that song is:

"I want to be champion of evening, to forget not the beauty of the in-between." 

I think of this line a lot when I'm feeling discouraged about my progress toward a goal.  I so often get caught up in my dreams of what the future will bring for us--a tenure-track job for my hubby, a new baby at some point (not anytime soon--don't want to excite the grandparents just yet!), our home decorated just like I want it, a bigger house, a comfortable savings account and no debt, well-trained dogs that don't bark like maniacs every time someone comes to the door, maybe a book I will write one day--that I forget to "enjoy the beauty of the in-between."

Even now, here, in this moment, I should be enjoying the beauty of our "in-between."

As I sit in my quiet, cozy, (messy!) living room in our little rental house, as my daughter sleeps upstairs (after praying so earnestly for a little sister before bed!), as my husband's job applications float out into the world full of hope and potential (and not a little anxiety!), as we live this comfortable life (even though our savings have dwindled to a pittance after the gazillion doctor's visits we've had this month!)--I can either focus on how far we are falling short of our ultimate goals--or I can look for the beauty here in the in-between.

I tried to explain this to Flannery the other day, the idea of the "in-between."  She was saying that she really wanted her bangs to grow out so that she could look just like her cousin.  And I told her that her bangs were growing really quickly, and that I really liked them this length because we could sweep them over to the side, and they looked cute and breezy.  I told her that once they had actually grown all the way out, that would be cute, too, but that the little wisps along the way were just beautiful.

I don't think she believed me.  But really, the in-between is beautiful on her.  Don't you agree?

Forget not the beauty of the in-between.  There really are things to love about the time we spend on the path to our ultimate goals.  Now if I could just remember this great truth more often than twice a year!


How are you enjoying the "in-between" in your life?

Be in the Moment, VBS Style

Last week, Flanna and her sweet cousins participated in vacation bible school at my sister's church.  The girls really seemed to enjoy themselves.  They did a show for all the parents at the end of the week, and it was really adorable.  It had been a busy day for me, a busy day for my sister, a busy day for my husband, a busy day for my cousin and her kiddos, and just a generally crazy week for lots of us, but I really tried to check all my thoughts and worries at the door and just focus on the performance.  And what a performance it was!

The girls (almost all of the cousins around here are girls!) sang songs that my sister and her friends at VBS had taught all the children, along with sign language and hand movements for most of them.  It was amazing to see all they'd learned in just a week.  After living far from our family for the past two years, it kind of got me teary eyed sitting there in the crowd next to my cousin, watching our girls up there on the stage together with my sister while Robi ran around the sanctuary snapping photos of each of them.  It was really a moment of family for me, which I've missed.

And the best part was that, when the kids sang "God loves YOU!" and pointed, Flanna pointed at my sister every time and just grinned at her.

So many sweet moments, and I'm trying to take note of them as this busy life flies by.

My sister leading songs

Cousin time!

How do you prompt yourself to be in the moment more often?

Experience Nature: A Gorgeous Weekend

enjoying Locopops at American Tobacco

One of the things that makes me happiest is being outside in nature.  Some of my happiest memories as a child are sitting in a special climbing tree in our woods reading a book, or taking walks in the woods to a special mossy spot with my dogs. 

Anyway, this weekend was just gorgeous, and we got to spend so much time outdoors.  It was really wonderful.  On Friday, Robi, Flannery, and I joined our friends and their daughter to see a band play at American Tobacco.  Flannery and her friend got to play, dance, and eat Locopops popsicles together.  We stayed out way too late, but it was worth it. 

On Saturday, Flannery and I walked to the park and spent several hours playing and picnicking there.  While Flanna played, I got to read a few chapters of my Harry Potter book, which I've really been enjoying!  (I'm going to be sad when I finish the series, I think!  It's so exciting having a new chapter to look forward to each day!)  Flannery's learning to cross the monkey bars and kept wanting to practice it over and over with me "spotting" her (a.k.a., catching her every few seconds!).   

Flanna said, "It's gonna take you 11 years to finish that book!"  But I finished it today!

Can you believe these amazing gardenias?

The most beautiful flower I've seen this spring.

Then, today after church, we transplanted the seedlings that we had started from seed several weeks back.  Flannery made some cute tomato-teepees from sticks to keep the squirrels from digging up our delicate seedlings, and she also wrote the tiny plant markers.  I thought it was really cool that, not only did she write them (with me helping her sound out each letter), but after she wrote them, she was able to pick out which one we needed from the group of markers when I asked for the one that said "peppers" or "basil."  It's exciting to see her reading & writing skills coming along bit by bit. 

The "tomato teepee" Flannery made to protect our seedlings from squirrels.

Dill

Rosemary

mint

yellow flowers...so cheery!

We planted some herbs, tomatoes, and flowers, and then the mosquitoes emerged and chased us inside.  Robi made an amazing BBLT (bacon, basil, lettuce, & tomato sandwich) that was such a simple and fresh (can I describe a bacon meal as fresh?) way to end the day.   It was just such a gorgeous weekend, and I tried to really be in the moment and appreciate it. 

I know that too soon, lazy days spent with our little family will be few and far between.  Flanna will be busy with sports or drama or ballet or whatever it is she's going to be into, and Robi's job will get more demanding when he's tenure-track, too.   But for now, I am soaking up these sweet weekends spent together with my wonderful hubby and daughter. 



How did you experience nature this week?  Did it make you happier? 

Magical Moments

I just realized that I haven't posted about Flannery's flower girl experience! I've been meaning to, but our focus so quickly turned toward camping after we got back from the wedding that I forgot!

So...where should I begin?

I think I'll just describe a few moments that epitomize the perfection of the day. (It really was a perfect day!)

When Flannery and I stopped in the bride's parlor to let the bride know we were there, Leslie was already in her veil. Flannery's eyes widened. Her little fingers just had to touch the pearls that edged the bottom of the veil. As Leslie bent down to say hello, Flannery looked at her as if she were some magical creature, and delicately slid her fingers over one of the pearls on her veil. I didn't get a picture. But that was just a moment to remember!

After the wedding, during the photography session, the two flower girls and the ring bearer scooped all the flower petals they had previously scattered down the aisle back up into their baskets and proceeded to scatter them fifteen or twenty more times just for fun.

During the bride & groom's first dance at the reception, Flannery stared at the two of them dancing and danced and twirled at the edge of the dance floor as if it were her out there. Her dad, who had to stand in his designated spot as a groomsman during the dance, said that in that moment, seeing her dancing so sweetly brought tears to his eyes and he had to look away to compose himself.

What an honor to get to be a part of such a special day. I tried to be in the moment several times--not to just let myself get caught up in being the busy mom of a 3 year old, but to really participate in the sacrament of the wedding. And I really think that made me enjoy the wedding at a deeper level.

We pray that God will grant Leslie and Christopher many, many years of love and happiness together!









What moment of your day was magical today? Did you let yourself slow down and take it in?

Take Notice

Today, I really tried to take notice of my daughter. How her hair curls up when she's sweaty. How her eyes really are yellow, not just hazel. They are so unique. How she describes conversations now, and talks about things that happened in the past with such clarity. How her body just will not stop moving sometimes. How creative her imagination is, and how gentle and sweet her spirit is. How she just can't keep herself from singing at all points in time. How she even chews her dinner to a little musical beat. How grown up and independent she is now.

We rode the Duke bus to Duke's West Campus today, and Flanna insisted that she didn't want me to hold her hand or put an arm around her on the bus. "It's okay, mom, I can do it," she reassured me. And through all the quick stops and fast turns and bumps in the road, on a big person bus with no seat belts, she really did make it just fine. Her tiny, skinny-winny body never once tumbled out of the seat, as I pictured it might every time we went around a sharp curve. (I had to catch myself about 7 times as my hands reached instinctively for her, to protect her from falling during a big curve or a quick stop! I was amazed to see she really didn't need that protecting!)

So, today, on that bus, I had to take notice of the fact that I can let go a little bit more now. Which makes my eyes tear up a bit as I write it. I just love these days of holding hands going up the stairs together, and it's sad to think about them being almost done. As Gretchen Rubin says, "The days are long, but the years are short."

We had a few other neat moments today, as well, where I was really able to be in the moment and make a connection with her, rather than thinking about the zillions of things I need to be doing for work, for our move, etc. At the park, we found some really cool pyramid shaped seed pods. We collected a few, and opened them up once we got home, sitting on our porch steps. They were like tiny amazing gifts, intricate and delicate, and resilient all at the same time. Flannery was quiet and careful and seemed a little in awe of the tiny seeds inside the pods. Then later, as we were playing blocks on the living room floor after dinner, I tried to just listen and follow her lead. Not to teach or coach or direct her in any way, just for a few minutes. And in that time, she sorted blocks by shape, color, and size. She made a really cool, almost symmetrical tower. And it occurred to me that she doesn't need my teaching all the time to learn. Sometimes, she just needs me to take notice of what she is already doing. To just appreciate the strong and sweet character and natural curiosity that she has.

Anyway.

My goal for next week is to get more sleep so that I don't have to try so hard to be in the moment! It's hard work sometimes!




What have you noticed from focusing on being in the moment in your life? Do you find yourself like me, getting so caught up in regrets of the past and hopes/plans for the future, that the present gets all jumbled and not as you'd like it to be? How do you help yourself carve out space and time to experience the present moments?


PS -- the first 2 pics here are from when Flannery was almost 2, and the last 2 are from 2 weeks ago. The change from baby to little girl is so striking!

This Magic Moment

Sometimes there are moments that seem to last forever. Not to be cliche, but, when time stands still.

My first kiss.

Finding out my grandmother died.

Getting proposed to.

Waiting for news during my mom's open heart surgery.

Finding out I was pregnant.

Hearing my daughter's first cry when she was born.

At all these times in my life, the world has slowed its spinning. The background has melted away. At least briefly, I have truly been "in the moment." Experienced nothing else besides what is actually happening right then.

And then today. It happened again.

Nothing remarkable, nothing groundbreaking. It was just a normal day. There was grocery shopping, planting tomato and pepper plants, laundry. And then there was the moment.

Outside on the back lawn, my daughter and I were making bird-feeders to hang in our tree. We hung two, and then stood back to admire them. At which point, my daughter says,

"Now let's lay in the grass!"

Which we do.

It's late afternoon, so the sun makes us squint. The grass is cold on my back and a little damp from a rain yesterday. The sky is gray blue, and the clouds move slowly, slowly past. One cloud looks like rain. The sun lights up the red and green leaves of the maple tree overhead like a stained glass window. Flannery moves to lean her head in the crook of my arm. This is when time slows. When I take in just the smell of her hair, and feel just the humid breeze on my face, and listen to the sound of birds chattering and a woodpecker tapping out a rhythm nearby. This moment lasts a hundred years. Or maybe just a second or two.

Either way, it's magic.


One day, this type of intimacy with my child will be awkward and rare. One day, she'll be too busy for spontaneous sky gazing, or too logical to let the impulse become a reality.

But this moment, it'll remain.

I won't forget.





What moments in your life have made time stand still? Good or bad, there's a gravity to these moments, a "this is really my life" quality to them. I'd love to hear about yours.

Take Care of the Moments

"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves." --Maria Edgeworth, O Magazine, April 2004

I'm still on vacation! Lucky me! And I've really been soaking in the moments! There have been some pretty amazing little moments, too, like:

Flying kites on the beach (amazingly, it actually worked!)
Sorting through stuff at my parents' house that they were getting rid of, and finding some really cool treasures!
Lying in the sun for a few minutes while my family and friends gave me a little break and watched my daughter!
Looking at old videos of the girls from when they were tiny.
Watching my mom collect sea shells on the beach with her granddaughters.
Having the time to play Hullaballoo with the girlies, and discovering I really love that game!

I'm so thankful for this brief time with my family. Living so far away from my parents, sister, and niece, is one of the things I really wish I could change in my life. And it's been so nice to have time enough together with them to get on one another's nerves! I'm so jealous of those families that get to annoy one another on a daily or weekly basis! I really want that! (I'm not kidding!)



How are you taking care of the moments when you're with the ones you love?

Loud Moments in History

I'm at the beach this week with the girls in my family. It's been great to have some vacation time to just hang out together. And at the beach yesterday, I made a point to really try to be mindful of being in the moment. There were some really amazing moments.

At first, when we had just gotten to the beach, we all stood at the edge of the waves looking out at the ocean. The water was cold but not too shocking on our toes. The wind tousled my daughter's wild curls and my nieces's sleek straight hair. The girls squealed every time a wave came close. Pure happiness.

Then there was the time that we saw some fishing boats, and my daughter yelled, "Hi, Pirates!" over and over.

And then there was the time when my niece decided to make "sand angels."

And then, on a walk, we saw a jellyfish that looked exactly like a round piece of ice. Exactly.

These little moments (some quiet, and some not so quiet!) added up to a really happy day. And a memory that I hope we'll all be able to call on when we need a little lift.


What moments do you call on from your memory when you need a happiness boost?

Remember Screw-ups who Became Bible Heroes, and other Wisdom

About once a week, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! This week's focus is Amy.

I grew up with Amy. We went to church together at the Hampton United Methodist Church when we were growing up, and also went to school together from preschool to high school. We went to different colleges, and she moved back to our home turf after getting her master’s and getting married. She’s a full-time mom now to an adorable little toddler, and she also works as a Minister of Christian Education at her church. She’s always been one of those people who just seemed to me to have it all together. She stuck to her morals even when it wasn’t cool, and some of the best most thoughtful conversations of my life were ones I had with her in middle school. Seriously, she was just thoughtful about life from an early age. I hope you’ll be as inspired as I was by her replies to my happiness interview questions.

1. When you're feeling blue, what do you do to make yourself happier?

I frequently struggle with anxiety and depression, so this is a question I ask myself often. When I start to feel a bout of depression coming on (and it does, like waves) I try to do two things. First, I try to re-center my life around God. When I see myself as the world sees me, I get depressed. I'm not wealthy or gorgeous and I spend more time changing diapers and cleaning house than doing fun things. My first impulse to combat depression is to drink more (which helps a bit, hah!), spend money I don't have on clothes I don't need, or buy more makeup. When this doesn't help as a long-term solution, I open up my Bible and remind myself that I am of great worth and that God, fully knowing what an incompetent adult I've turned out to be, still loves me. I enjoy reading Bible stories about screw-ups who turned out to be important people: David, Paul, Rahab, etc. This helps immensely.
The second thing I try to do is focus on other people. When you try to help someone else out, it's easier to forget how crummy you feel about your own life. Plus, it helps you feel grateful for the many blessings you do have. My new mantra is "I could be in Haiti." I'll get all bent out of shape about sitting in traffic when there are people in Haiti who are hungry and homeless and looking for loved ones. My problems are so small in comparison!

2. What's a little thing that you do regularly that makes you happy?

I lose myself in a good book.

3. What's something you've discovered that you'd you like your child(ren) to know about happiness?

I want my daughter to know that happiness isn't something you get from other people or from any tangible objects. When we have a relationship with God, we can have happiness (peace) regardless of our circumstances. I'd also like to tell her that this process isn't as easy as it seems. It takes constant work to remind yourself of this truth. Please remind me of this if you run in to me at CVS with a basket full of makeup. : )

---


I love the idea of remembering that we are of great worth, and that many pretty royal screw-ups turned out to be biblical heroes in the end! I've also heard a lot of my friends say that comparing themselves to those in Haiti has made them appreciate their lot in life more these days. Sometimes contemplating sadness can actually lead us toward happiness, or at least toward noticing good things. And I also agree that we have to work at it to be happy or at peace. Here's to working at it...that's what this whole blog is about!



What about yourself do you think is "of great worth"?

Quiet Moments in History

We had a wonderful snow day! We played in the snow, made snow ice cream, borrowed our neighbor's sled and let Flannery go sledding, made snowy art projects, and just generally had fun! I was able to be in the moment and just enjoy the day many times, and one time in particular really stood out for me.

We had just been on a walk down the street and back. Hardly anyone else was out on our whole street, so it was very quiet out. The wind was blowing a little bit, and it was sleeting faintly. Someone's wind chimes were twinkling. I walked across the street to get a picture of our house all snow-covered, as Robi carried Flannery inside to get warmed up. I just stood there looking at the house and my sweet family, listening to those gentle wind chimes. Just a beautiful quiet moment.

I hope I'll remember this snowy day, and that peaceful moment, when I'm old standing on some other quiet street.



What memories do you call on to bring you peace in quiet moments?

Be a Storehouse of Happy Memories

Sometimes I get more happiness out of reminiscing about moments than actually experiencing the moment.

I just ordered some photo flip books chronicling our Christmas experience for my daughter and my niece. (Have I mentioned my unhealthy addiction to Snapfish?) I REALLY enjoyed looking back through all of our photos of our celebrations! Is it strange that I enjoy remembering the moments more than actually experiencing the moments?

Take Christmas eve. We were staying at my sister's house, so we let my daughter and niece have a sleepover in the same room for Xmas eve (actually, in a huge princess tent with matching sleeping bags, but you get the idea). The girls wore matching pajamas, set out cookies and milk for Santa, and then giggled and talked when they should've been getting to sleep. A-dor-a-ble, huh?

Strange thing is, though, all this adorability was kind of lost on me. I was busy trying to remember where we'd hidden all the gifts, trying to count to make sure everything was going to be even gift-wise in the morning, willing my child to fall asleep before 3 a.m. in her crazy overexcited state, and trying to hop myself up on enough cough medicine that I might possibly sleep as well (did I mention I've had some upper respiratory funk for about 2 weeks now?!).

Anyway, I'm SO glad I looked back at those cute pictures. And I really can't wait to recount the holiday fun with my daughter when my Snapfish photo book arrives! I'm trying to be a storehouse of happy family memories, and it's already making me happier. Fingers crossed that it makes the family happier as a whole, too.

In any case, at least some CEO at Snapfish is getting happy watching profits pour in thanks to me! Ah, the many ways I spread joy. Maybe next year I'll miraculously be able to be in the moment more, so that I can enjoy the fun times while they're actually happening. Here's to growth!


What happy memories do you enjoy reflecting on from your own holiday?