Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Speak Your Child's Love Language

I've been trying to figure out my daughter Flannery's love language for a few weeks now.  I've talked with her about love, watched how she responds to different things we do, and most of all tried to pay attention to what she complains about (this is a trick Chapman mentions--often, what we complain most about is a cue to our love language).

Here's what I've gathered:

Flannery wants to be listened to, with full attention, to have us look at her and repeat back to her what she just said so she knows we really heard her.

Flannery seeks out hugs and kisses, loves to sit in our laps, wants to cuddle and snuggle, and especially enjoys watching her favorite movies while snuggling with us.

When asked what we do that makes her feel loved, she replied, "When you do things that I like."

She most often complains about us not looking when she wants us to look at something, or about her friend not listening to her.  She complains if she's talking to us and she doesn't get full attention (looking and listening to her).

She enjoys specific praise about what she's done well that day (her 3 things).

She gets very upset if she asks for help and we can't help her with a task.  She also gets very upset if a friend bumps her accidentally or pushes her away while they're playing.

She most often says, "I love you," without being prompted to, when we're cuddling/hugging/snuggling with her.

Sooooo, what do you think her love language is?  Here are the possibilities:
1.  Words of affirmation
2.  Quality time
3.  Receiving gifts
4.  Acts of service
5.  Physical touch

I'm thinking that quality time (eye contact, undivided attention, listening to her, doing things she enjoys) and physical touch (hugs, kisses, being held, pats on the back, holding her hand, being there with her, being easily accessible, etc.) are probably her primary love languages.  And I think that she appreciates words of affirmation and acts of service, but perhaps to a lesser degree.

So, I'm going to try to hug more, cuddle more, give more kisses to her, and to spend more quality time together each day.  Even 5 minutes a day of my complete undivided attention (no cooking/cleaning while we're playing!) is a good start, I think.

Have you tried to pay attention to your loved ones' love languages lately?  What have you deduced from being a super sleuth?

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