When guilt creeps in

It's not a pretty picture, when guilt creeps in.

As a mom who recently returned to full-time work after working part-time since my daughter was born, you can imagine that Mr. Guilt has pretty much taken up permanent residence in my psyche these days. He's unpacked his things, put them away in closets and drawers, and started leaving the cap off of my toothpaste.

And then my daughter came home today reporting that she'd been in time-out during nap time at school. For the gazillionth time this month. Given, she's 3, and could just be remembering a day last week when that happened. But Mr. Guilt points a finger at me, reminding me that if I weren't working my full-time job, the afternoons of difficult nap times and time outs would not be an issue. Instead, we would've been having perfect picnics at the park in the afternoons, celebrating the wonder that is my creative and energetic kiddo.

Sigh.

I think I take it too hard, the idea of my amazing daughter suffering the slightest bit. But on a day when I was at work from 7 a.m. to almost 5 p.m., when I left before my daughter woke up and came home when it was almost dark, to a daughter whose delicate self image was suffering... it was just too much. Guilt flung wide the door and stomped around with muddy boots.

I talked to my mom on the phone and actually cried. But she made me feel better, and then my hubby encouraged me to e-mail the school and try to figure things out. It's a wonderful school, with amazing and caring teachers who will completely work with me to make things right.

So I wrote an e-mail, a small positive action, which helped a bit.

Tomorrow will be better, I'm sure.




How do you deal with lousy days? How do you keep yourself from feeling guilty about the zillions of things that you can't make perfect in your life? Today I could use ideas.


By the way, Gretchen Rubin posted these ways for getting through a lousy day today. I thought it interesting that her post was so timely. Maybe it's universal to have rough days just before the time changes?

A Picture of My Mom

Curly haired, she stands up straight. Compassionate and overly empathetic. She stops her car on the side of the highway to get out and move a turtle off of the road. A perfectionist who can analyze and organize a room for peak efficiency in 2 seconds flat. A stylish, hip grandma with a knack for cooking, baking, decorating, and gardening. Poetic and creative. Deep and intense. A nonconformer hippie chick. A survivor of open heart surgery. A survivor of a tense childhood. A gifted writer and singer. She dances to loud music when cleaning the house. She married young and had two premature babies. She analyzes her dreams. I remember how she would smooth my hair without thinking while I sat on her lap as a child. A worrier who was often right to worry. A good sister. A loving wife. She listens to children. She cares enough to say hard things. She cares enough to say kind things. She cares enough to be silent sometimes. Honest and open. She apologizes for things that aren't her fault. A caregiver to the old and weak. A hard worker no matter what the job. She doesn't see herself as strong or beautiful.

But we do.



Tell me about your mom, as a real person, not so much as a mom. What makes her, her?

Mothers' Day Starts Early

Today, Flanna's school had a sweet mothers' day tea, complete with cupcakes. It was such fun to get to visit her school and see all her favorite "work" that she does there. After school, we had an impromptu visit to the museum. It was a fabulous day (stiflingly hot, but still fabulous), and I felt lucky to start my mothers' day weekend off so well.

Oh, another neat thing--Flannery decorated an "F" for me by gluing beads on it all by herself. I had bought it for her to hang in her room, but once she started working on it, she decided that it would be a gift for me. And now I think it's going to look really nice in my room.







Then, at the end of the day, when I was putting Flanna to bed, I thanked her for the sweet gifts and card she had made for me, and was telling her how much I appreciated the work she put into them. And she said,

"Well, mom, that's because I love you."

And that, folks, was the best mothers' day gift I think I've ever gotten.



What's the best mothers' day gift you've ever gotten, or given?

Laugh a Little

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die. ~Abraham Lincoln

Today, my husband came home to a wife who was splattered with green paint, madly cleaning the kitchen, who hadn't saved him any spaghetti, and a daughter who had sprayed half a bottle of hair mousse in her hair while the aforementioned paint-spattered wife was cleaning the kitchen, and a house that was pretty much strewn with blankets and art supplies. And all I could do was just laugh.

Is this what I thought my life would be like as a young mom?

Nope. Not one bit.

I thought I'd be a stay-at-home, non-paint-covered, homeschooling, keeping the house clean, making gorgeous meals every day, never leaving hair mousse out in reach of the 3 year old, kind of young mom.

But apparently that is not to be.

Instead, I'm a how-in-the-word did I work over 40 hours last week?, try to spend a few quality moments with the child, heat up leftover spaghetti for dinner, where did all of these blankets come from?, will oil paint never ever wash off?, oops we're out of dog food again, oh my goodness my daughter is covered in hair mousse, I guess it must be bath night, kind of young mom.

At least my husband has it all together, and went and got dog food, and gave Flanna her bath while I wrote IEPs. This IS what I thought he'd be like as a young dad...funny, calm, pretty much amazing.

Yeah, so at least there's that.

Really, all I can do is laugh sometimes at how strange I feel in this life that I'm kinda making up as I go along.




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Speaking of laughing, this blog is hilarious and fun. It's about a couple who just adopted a teenage boy and are also expecting their first biological child very soon. I heart it.




How is your life different from what you'd expected right now? And what made YOU laugh today?