So we now have memories of flying.
Today as we were driving to the HR department at my new job (yes, I got a new job! Full time school position!), looking up at the clouds from our car as we inched through traffic, I said to Flannery,
"Remember how yesterday we were above the clouds?"
"Yeah. I remember that," she said.
"That was really cool."
"Yeah. Because I like to look out the window and see the roads all tiny," she laughs.
"Yeah, me too."
This has been a hard day.
A day of figuring out hard things.
Hard things like, how leaving my flexible part-time job for a non-flexible full-time job that pays more money is really going to be tough. Not seeing my daughter when she wakes up in the morning tough. Heart wrenching, maybe I need a valium to get through the first few weeks, tough.
Hard things like, crunching numbers and realizing that quality day care is ridiculously expensive, twice our rent expensive. So expensive that I should really keep my part-time flexible job AND my new full time non-flexible job if I want to ever end up with, oh, say, an extra few bucks to go for ice cream. I mean, an acceptance fee, one month's tuition as a deposit, and a first month's tuition, all due next week? This is where I begin to get high blood pressure.
Sigh.
But then I remember us flying in that plane, high above the clouds, with the tiny roads snaking their way across the South. Patches of earth glide by underneath, lush forests, and thirsty fields. Green, brown, green.
And those tiny fingers stuck to the glass of the airplane window, peering down at a world larger than she can understand. Larger than any of us can understand, really.
And I try to remind myself.
This too shall pass.
Bounty will come again.
Green, brown, green.
What hard patch in your life did you think might never end? Money problems? Sadness, loss? What helped you through?
I'm finding myself in a similar place right now. I don't know what will get through this - other than knowing that I have to get through this with grace because of my beautiful wonderful little girl. Husband who has been on outstanding daddy has askde for a divorce out of the blue....I don't know what we are going to do. Our family is going to be ripped apart and I don't know how I'm going to make it and I know I have to make it at the same time.
ReplyDeleteHow do you make it through the tough times?
Oh I'm so sorry you are having to go through this too. These decisions we are faced with sometimes as parents, as mommies are so hard. I truly hope that you are able to muddle through this time and come out the other side with peace and happiness. Thank you for as always for stopping by my blog and sharing what you are going through too.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, Kate, I do not know you but my heart goes out to you. I am a child of divorce, my mother so filled with grace that truly she was my "saving grace" at that time and for the rest of her life. I grew so close to her, and she is alive always in my heart. She held my sense of belonging tightly in her love and family was exactly what we were to one another, for now until my forever!
ReplyDeleteThese are tough times for so many, the fact that you have a choice of which job, is a blessing TJ, and also a credit to the outstanding character of one of my lovely daughters. So I am blessed. And we can go on counting the things that make up our blessings while treading water to make it to the other side of changes we do and don't want in our lives, for whatever reason we need to make them. Blessing, Flannery will become closer to her wonderful dad while he gets her up and off to school. She will share her days experiences with you through her very own eyes and you will get the perspective of the innocence that only a child can bring. And I will lastly say that I myself have gone through these moments of fear and agony over leaving my tender children for others to care for, and amazingly, both of those tender souls have grown into superb young women, capable and inspiring to others. Tough times, yes, and truly I wish I could be there to help....love you!