Give Empathy Hugs every Morning and Night

spring is almost here!

I love reading about relationships, and I hate that I can't remember which book I read this in, but there is a fantastic practice I've been working into my routine lately, and I just had to share it. 

It's called an "Empathy Hug."  And here's how it works. 

In the morning, right away when you wake up and greet your spouse, hug them for a few moments and really try to think of how they are feeling--what they might be worried about, excited about, focused on, working on, etc.  Really try to cultivate empathy for them in that shared moment.  Then, when you wake your kiddo (if you have kids!), do the same.  Hug your kiddo for a few moments, and really try to get into their mind and think about what they might be thinking about, feeling, worried about, hopeful about, planning for, etc.  For that moment, try to take their perspective.  Then, at the end of the day (before bed, for example), do the same thing. 

It might seem a little strange at first, but I really find that trying to take the perspective of my loved ones as a part of my regular routine really makes me think of them all day with more love and care.  It builds loving connection whether we are together all day or not.  

Also, I find that if I'm trying to think about things from their perspective but I'm not sure what their concerns for that day might be, that spurs me to ask them specifics like, "What's on your plate for today?" or "What are you looking forward to today?"  And then, once I know something specific about their day (for example, my daughter was excited that it was her teacher's birthday today, and she had made her a card.), I find myself wondering during the day how that went, and just generally feeling  more connected to them all throughout the day, just because I know a few little specific things that they were thinking about that morning. 

Also, sometimes if my hubby or daughter have mentioned a concern that morning, and then that evening they seem upset or irritated, I find that I more often have an empathetic response (rather than an angry why-are-you-in-a-bad-mood response!) because I have already tried to think about things from their perspective that day. 

So often, I think that our thoughts shape our responses to our loved ones.  So when I make a habit of cultivating empathy, I think it's easier to feel connection and caring and to respond with patience and understanding.  But when I'm busy and only thinking of the thousands of tasks to check off my to do list in my head, and don't take time to cultivate empathy, I'm much more likely to respond with annoyance or irritation. 

So, what do you think?  Is it worth a try?  Give it a month, and see if you don't feel closer and more connected to your family members just by giving two little "Empathy Hugs" per day.  (And then let me know how it goes by leaving a comment!)




What helps you have greater empathy toward your loved ones?  When do you feel the most "connected" to your family members?

Just Add Music

Flanna's favorite artist right now--Lorde from New Zealand

Last Friday, I walked into a fourth grade classroom to pick up a student for speech therapy, and guess what?  The student did not want to come to speech.  Not even with temptations of all the fun we would have.  Not even with the mention of all the games we might play.  Not even with the possibility of earning iPad time.  Not even with his teacher threatening him with losing recess if he wouldn't go.  (I promise I wouldn't have let that happen!) He did not want to come to speech.  He did not want to, Sam I am. 

Somehow, magically, I coerced him into just walking with me for a few minutes in the hallway.  I used my handy dandy emotions thermometer (see below) and had him tell me how he was feeling.  Turns out he was "tired", he grumbled.  His morning had been rough.  He just wanted to go to sleep.

Well, I have a soft place in my heart for kids who like to sleep.  I myself wish sleep was a recognized hobby or competitive sport, because I would get the gold medal.

But back to my story.

TJ's Emotions & Energy Thermometer:
Print it, laminate it, and let kids use a dry erase
board to "check in" about their emotions/energy level.
If too high, help them use a self-calming strategy.
If too low, help them use an energizing strategy.
(Calm/relaxed is ideal.) 

On the back of my handy dandy emotions thermometer, I showed this fourth grader some ideas for how to "energize" himself a bit so that he could move his thermometer from "tired" up to "calm," so that he could get in gear for learning.  There are all kinds of energizing options like, "jump up and down, listen to music, go get some water, stretch," etc.  This kiddo picked "listen to music."  Luckily, I have iTunes radio on my cell phone.  My client requested his favorite song, which miraculously I found within a few seconds.  

The transformation was instant.  His face brightened.  He smiled and danced a little in his seat.  He sat up straight.  He completed his speech work without needing a single redirection.  What had been an exhausted, defiant, upset fourth grade boy, became Mr. Cooperative Student of the Year, just like that.

So, you've got a cranky kiddo?  Just add music.  You've got a grumbly 4th grader?  Just add music.  And hey, if you yourself are feeling overwhelmed and tired and heading home from work to pick up your child from childcare and trying to remember if you defrosted the chicken last night and feeling guilty that there is no way you're going to the PTA meeting tonight…well, maybe, just maybe, you can Just Add Music.   And let the moment be transformed.



What about you?  Do you find that adding music to your day makes it better?  And what's your favorite music right now?