Be Dead to Both the Praises and Curses of Men

Today I have to remind myself to, "be dead to both the praises and curses of men."  To "respond with a blessing."  To "turn the other cheek."  I have to remember that "There is only love."  That I am more than what others think of me.  That my reward will not be my reputation, will not be my amazing influence on this earth, will not be praises in the here and now.  That I am not to live my life for approval or respect or gold stars.  But that I am to, "Do my best, and be done with it."  That I am to "live my priorities."  That I am to "be authentic."  I also need to remember to be "slow to speak." 

Do you ever have those days where it takes every catch phrase, every happiness commandment, every cheesy verse you can recall, to help you through? 

That's me, today. 

I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.  Perhaps I just need some time spent in nature.  Or some dark chocolate.  Or more sleep.  Or a maid.  Or a vacation.

I'm thinking all of the above sound good. 



What cheesy phrase do you call to mind when you need a pick-me-up?  My dad always says, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  My mom always used to tell me, "Just do your best, that's all you can do."  And my sister used to remind me to, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God."  Those all really do seem to help when I'm feeling out of sorts. 

My 3 Things

My daughter and I are spending a few days with my sister and my 6 year old niece, and I've been paying a lot of attention to the mood we create for our time together. So far, I think we've managed to be lighthearted, and even downright silly, most of the time. Which has made for some fun times. And for some pretty well-behaved kiddos. And also, my daughter and niece won't let me forget to keep a little happy tradition every evening that I think is not only boosting our happiness, but that hopefully is also helping the girls shape a positive view of themselves.

Every night as we tuck them into bed, we tell them their "3 things" for the day. These are just 3 things that they did well that day. The 3 things usually range from things like,

"You shared your toys without complaining today. That was so generous." to

"You ran really fast to catch the dog when he got loose on our walk. That was athletic." to

"You tried 2 new foods you'd never tasted before at the restaurant today. That was super brave."

It's amazing how much these 3 little things puff up the girls with pride before bed. And how they will nod in agreement with each specific little statement like it's a secret they've long known about themselves that we are just discovering.



What were you really good at as a child? Did those strengths become things that make you happy now? (Like, I used to be pretty good at art back in the day, and I still really enjoy making something beautiful, like a well-wrapped gift for a friend.)

Be Dead to Both the Praises & the Curses of Men

I read a book a few years ago that I think about a lot when I think about trying to live my life well. It's called "Ascending the Heights," by Father John Mack. It's basically a guide to pursuing virtue (and it's the easy version to a more complex book called "The Ladder of Divine Ascent.") Anyway, in this book, there is a story I really like about a Saint named St. Macarius of Egypt (that's him in the picture);

The story goes that there was a young man who wanted to become a monk. He went to Saint Macarius of Egypt and asked him, "St. Macarius, how can I become a monk?"

St. Macarius replied, "You must become dead to the world." But the young man did not understand.

"What do you mean?" he asked St. Macarius.

To which St. Macarius replied, "Go to the cemetery, and stand all day giving praises and honor to those buried there."

So the young man went to the cemetery, and stood all day saying beautiful, honorable things about the people buried there.

The next day, he went back to St. Macarius, and St. Macarius said, "Now you must go to the cemetery, and stand all day cursing and defiling the names of those buried there."

So the young man went back to the cemetery again, and this time shouted curses and insults at the people buried there.

He then went back to St. Macarius. "I don't understand how this will help me become a monk," he asked.

Then St. Macarius asked him, "What did the dead do when you praised and rebuked them?"

The young man replied, "They were silent to both praise and reproach."

Then St. Macarius replied, “If you wish to be saved, be as one dead. Be dead to both the praises and the curses of men. Do not become angry when insulted, nor puffed up when praised.”

The book goes on to explain a gazillion fantastic ways to be more virtuous, with such chapters as "remembering our mortality", "letting the past be the past", & one of my personal favorites, "keeping our mouths shut."

After reading this book, "Be dead to both the praises and curses of men" became one of my all time favorite quotes. I try to remember it when I've had a bad day and feel like people think I'm doing a bad job with something.

But it's also a good reminder that I shouldn't need praise in order to feel good about myself, either. I'm one of those people who just love to be praised. I really do appreciate it when my husband comments on how good the kitchen looks after I've cleaned it! But shouldn't I be able to get that same satisfaction without anyone noticing?

I'm working on it.



Are you driven by praise and criticism at work or at home? Try to notice your response to them this week, and see if you can "be dead" to both. Let me know how it goes!