Reflect

Today was a milestone.  My sweet little girl turned five.

Five years old.  I just can't believe it has come so quickly.  Time has flown, and suddenly I am on the verge of mothering a kindergartener.

 I'm thankful, of course.  I have friends who have lost their daughters, who never got to see this milestone.  And I know that it's a gift.  

It's a real gift to get to watch this amazing and creative little spirit grow and change.  It's a gift to get to guide her into realizing all her wonderful insight and talent and strength.  It's a gift to get to experience the world anew each time she learns something or does something for the first time.    It's a gift to get to watch my husband as such a patient and gentle father, and my parents as grandparents.  

Each day, each year, --it's a gift.  But I still want it to slow down.  Maybe this is why blogging means so much to me.  It's a way to capture these beautiful busy days, to focus on the bigger picture amidst the chaos of appointments and meetings and deadlines and play-dates.  It's a way to reflect.  

How do you find ways to reflect on your life here and there?  Do you think reflecting makes you happier?

On Luck

It's almost New Year's Eve.  I am on vacation, staying with my in-laws down South.  I sit in a quiet office with my dog Padme dozing in the chair beside me.  My daughter is asleep down the hall.  My husband works at his laptop in the kitchen, coding and thinking and coding again.  My in-laws watch TV and get ready for bed in another part of the house.  It's quiet except for the hum of a small heater running at my feet, beside which my tiny black dachshund, Annie, sleeps.

And here I sit in a cozy chair, my mother-in-law's chair, and think about the past year.  About my happiness project.  About my life, about my friends' lives.

And all I can think, is, "How did I get so lucky?"

Some people say there is no luck, that things happen for a reason.

But this year, my friends have lost parents.  Have lost children.   Have lost babies yet unborn.  Have lost jobs.  Have lost homes.  Have lost dogs they loved.  Have discovered cancer.  Have had children diagnosed with disabilities.  Have fought disease and pain.  Have battled depression.  Have faced infertility.  Have faced bankruptcy.  Have lost more in a year than some lose in a lifetime.

And I see no reason behind the suffering.  No reason.

It could have been me, in any of those situations.  But, instead, I got to watch my beautiful daughter flourish and grow.  To see my wonderful husband do productive and interesting work.  To work, myself, in not one but two rewarding jobs.  To have a healthy, loving, and supportive immediate and extended family.

Tonight, I sit in a comfortable, quiet house at peace with those I love and those who love me.

I'm exceptionally lucky.

I appreciate that, and I mourn for the moments of peace my friends are missing out on because of loss, illness, stress, or hardship this year.  I think this quote (from an interview on the Happiness Project blog) sort of fits my thought process today:

 "..it’s a good thing to know life is short, to appreciate people’s – my own and others' - strengths and weaknesses, to love, and to feel grateful for what I have."   

Boy, way to ring in the new year on a dark note, eh?  I promise a more uplifting tone to tomorrow's post!  But sometimes we gotta get sad to get happy, right?


Have you felt lucky or unlucky this year?   And do you think all things happen for a reason?


(By the way, this  blog by my friend Rachel, who lost her daughter in a car accident in October, has meant so much to me this year, by making me continually contemplate the big picture and appreciate every precious day I get to experience with my family.)