Tell Your Tough Family Stories

Flanna, age 2

I was talking to my daughter recently about her earliest memory.  She says she can remember me singing while I stood holding her in the shower in our green tiled bathroom with the bamboo shower curtain in our old home on Pulaski Street in Athens, GA.  She would've been about 2 at that time.  I do remember that moment, because it was unusual for me to hold her in the shower.  I usually gave her a bath, and even if I had given her a shower, I would usually just hold her hand and let her stand in the shower because I was too nervous I would drop her if I was holding her.  But on that morning, she had been sick, and I wanted to hold her up high so she could breathe in more steam from the shower.   I remember being nervous and holding her slippery soapy body so tightly, so she couldn't wiggle out of my arms.  But she just remembers a sweet warm care-taking experience, thank goodness, not my fear of her slipping!

Anyway, she asked why she doesn't remember anything from before this memory.  There were probably zillions of things that happened before that day that were just as interesting, if not more interesting than that first memory.  And I told her that one of my professors had taught me that we often do have sensory memories from before our "first memory," but that until we can understand and tell stories, we aren't able to encode those memories so that we can later recall them.  It was probably around 2 or 2 1/2 when she was first able to understand and tell simple stories, and that's probably why she remembers and can recall this moment.  

I think a lot about how stories are so important to us as humans.  Stories help us make sense of who we are, of who our family is and was, of how we got to this place and where we might go.  Stories are more than just looking back and reminiscing, they are actually important in how we see ourselves as connected to the world and what we think of ourselves individually.  Carol Westby, a brilliant SLP and researcher,  remarked in a recent journal article about the importance of teaching children to create stories about their own lives, "A coherent life story can lead to making informed choices, learning to effectively solve problems, and taking control of and responsibility for one’s life." Also, as I've discussed before in this blog, researchers at Emory University's Family Narratives lab say, "... adolescents who are embedded in a storied family history show higher levels of emotional well-being, perhaps because these stories provide larger narrative frameworks for understanding self and the world, and because these stories help provide a sense of continuity across generations in ways that promote a secure identity (see Fivush, Bohanek, & Duke, 2008, for a full theoretical discussion)."  When we can tell a story about how we overcame an obstacle, or how our family members faced strife but persevered, we help our children become more reflective individuals who can calmly face problems, flip back through their library of their own or others' experiences, and come up with solutions that might work in this case.

So, don't sugar coat your family history.  Tell your children the good family memories, but also the hard ones.  For Flanna, some of those include:  How her great great grandma died young, but the older children took care of the younger children as well as they could for as long as they could.  How the younger ones had to be sent to an orphanage, but they kept in touch and always sent letters back and forth.  How her grandparents worked hard physical jobs that were tough on their bodies in order to earn enough money to send their children to college, and their children were the first to graduate college on either side of the family.  How her great grandpa had a car wreck that caused a spinal cord injury but worked hard to relearn things with therapy and really enjoyed the therapy dogs that would visit the rehab center. How her great aunt wanted to have children for so many years and didn't give up and finally became a mom for the first time in her 40s.  How her grandmother had to move from one state to another the summer before her senior year of high school, and how that felt like the end of the world, but actually allowed her to meet her future husband.  How her great grandpa realized as an older man that he was actually homosexual, and how hard that was for the family, but also how it was probably such a relief for him not to feel like he was hiding his true self anymore.  How her great grandmother grew up in poverty but became a Women's Army Corps member and learned skills and got a great job as a switchboard operator and was able to provide for herself even after her divorce.

Giving our children the good stories along with the bad can steel them for the tough times in their own lives.  From our family stories, Flannery could learn:  that families take care of one another, that families work hard to stay connected, that our family values education, that it runs in her family to love animals, that children are a gift not a burden, that sometimes scary changes work out well in the end, that you need to listen to your heart and be true to yourself about who you are from the beginning, that it's smart to work hard and be independent and always be able to provide for yourself. It's hard and scary to talk about difficult things with our children, and we definitely need to wait until they are old enough to understand the concepts, but it's important to be bold enough to tell our tough family stories as well as the good memories.


What family stories do you think have shaped who you are as a person? What stories do you want to be sure to pass down to your children or your children's children?

References:

Fivush, R., Bohanek, J. G., & Zaman, W. (2010). Personal and intergenerational narrativesin relation to adolescents’ well-being. In T. Habermas (Ed.), The development of autobiographicalreasoning in adolescence and beyond. New Directions for Child and AdolescentDevelopment, 131, 45–57.

Westby, C. & Culatta, B. (2016, Oct.). Telling tales:  Personal event narratives and life stories. Language Speech and Hearing Services in Schools, Vol. 47, pp. 260-282.

My Old Dress!

On Sunday, Flannery wore my old dress to church.  I think this was a dress I wore in kindergarten, if I remember correctly.  I remember loving the little purse that went with it.  I know it's a little Puritan's Pride, but I still thought it was pretty cute on her.  :)

Flannery filled the tiny purse with special sea shells from her Grammie's collection, and she pulled out one shell at a time to look at during church.  She just loves to collect tiny natural things--acorns, sticks, leaves, flowers--she is a collector of "nature," as she says.

So, thanks goes to my mom for saving a few of my favorite clothes.  I think Flannery felt fancy and special wearing a "mom" hand-me-down.

This is her on the porch before church.  What a cutie.



What tiny things did you love as a child?

Happiness is a Warm Biscuit

I'm just going to let these photos speak for themselves. Yum.

Be the Memory Keeper

One thing I've discovered during my happiness project this year, is that being the "memory keeper" for my family really makes me happy. I just love taking photos, writing down cute things that have happened, and retelling the stories to my daughter and niece. I really think that retelling stories and sharing memories help us shape our view of ourselves and our place in the world.

For instance, when someone asked Flannery the other day, "who are you?", she said, "I'm a cousin."

Seriously. This is how she defines herself. From the moment she was born, she was someone's cousin. A very special someone's, to be exact.

My niece will never want for adoration as long as Flanna is around!

And Flannery loves when I tell the story of how everyone came to the hospital when she was born, and how her "big cousin" held her when she was only one day old. That story sort of defines who loves her most and who is most important to her in the world.

Which, by the way, is not any of us adults. We're okay and all, but that cousin, she's the one.




What stories or memories from your life help you define who you are? I remember my dad telling the story of how I would never "bump" anyone when we'd play aggravation as a family, because I was just too "sweet." And I remember my mom telling the story of how my sister at just 3 years old would play with me, feed me, change my diaper, and just generally be a sweet second mama to me. She had my back from the get go, it seems. And that's a nice way to grow up.

Create a Family Narrative

I just love reading books about marriage and children. I love self-help books in general, as well, but books about marriage and family relationships specifically are like chocolate to me...addicting and fun! Right now, I'm reading "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver, and it's been really good so far.

One of the points they touch on as being important to maintaining a good marriage is the idea of creating a "history of your relationship." It seems that looking back together, and creating a story of your life together that focuses on the "good stuff" helps to buffer your marriage in times of crisis. Gottman says,

"I've found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage's history are likely to have a happy future as well."

And it's not just that happy memories bring happiness to our marriage, either. Gottman further describes these histories we create about our marriage like this:

"...each couple and each family create its own microculture. And like other cultures, these small units have their customs, rituals, and myths--the stories the couple tell themselves that explain their sense of what their marriage is like, what it means to be a part of their group."

Our family stories are a large part of what help us identify ourselves as a "we," as in this life together, as a team. Family stories aren't just memories; they're how we view ourselves. This really got me thinking about the narratives I already know about my extended family.

For instance, my maternal grandmother Norma's mom was very ill and then passed away very young, and my grandmother tried to take care of the youngest children, but they eventually had to go to orphanages. Even so, my grandma Norma kept in touch with all of them and maintained the family connection throughout their lives. I wonder if this inspired my sister to be a foster mother in some way. Or if this part of our family's history somehow set the stage for our whole family to be so open to the beauty and wonder of adoption. Or if perhaps this story made family connection all the more important to my family.

And then there's the story of my birth. I was born 2 months premature, and was only 2 pounds 13 ounces when I was born. I had a feeding tube, and surgery to remove my appendix at a few days old, and things were very bleak and scary for my parents, I'm sure. But I grew, and thrived, and my mom pumped breastmilk for me all the while, which I believe really made a wonderful difference for me. Hearing that story about myself made me think that I was one strong kiddo. That I had really overcome something big. And I think it really affected me when I had my daughter, to want to nurse her, as well.

And on Robi's side of the family, his maternal grandfather Bobby was born early, as well, and Bobby's mother died in childbirth. His aunts took turns caring for him, but he really had no stable sense of family life growing up. Perhaps that's what made him such a good father, husband, and grandfather--that he wanted for his children what he never got to have: a stable, loving home.

And in my own family growing up, one of the important parts of our family narrative was that my dad's dad was in the military, and my dad attended 13 different schools growing up. So, when he had children, he and my mom made a point to stay in one town throughout all of our school years. That's right, my sister and I went to school in the same county from preschool until we graduated from high school. And that really made us feel a sense of home, connection and stability. We definitely felt that we belonged somewhere. My parents also highly valued education, and didn't want my sister or me to have to work hard physical jobs like they did. They told us over and over that school was our top priority, and that only through education could we have the good careers we wanted. My sister and I were the first people on either side of our family to get a college degree, and both of us went on to get higher degrees as well.

As for my own little family, I guess our story is that Robi and I were high school sweethearts who just kept growing and changing together and never let ourselves grow apart. We started dating just before Robi started college, and my dad always said that I made Robi a little more grounded and he made me a little more fun. I think that's true. We both valued education a great deal, and supported one another through my 2 degrees and Robi's 3 degrees. Education continues to be important to us, and one of our big goals is to put Flannery through college ourselves. Just before having Flannery, we became Orthodox, and that has shaped our marriage significantly, too, in that we both want to pass down the importance of spirituality to our children. We are both thinkers and planners, and we like having systems for things. For example, when we go camping, we make lists and start packing weeks ahead of time. And when we were picking out names when we were pregnant with Flannery, we had an actual spreadsheet that we kept to help us rank names every so often to see which names remained favorites over time. We're never the same couple for too long, which I think is good for us. We expect one another to change, so it's not scary when we have to reevaluate things together every now and then.

I'm sure I'm leaving lots of things out, but that's a good start.



What's your family narrative? Or your relationship narrative? Or your own individual narrative? I'd love to hear it!

By the way, that's my beautiful Grandma Norma in the photo! She was a WAC (member of the Women's Army Corps) way back when. Gorgeous, huh?

Be the Memory Keeper

One of the things that makes me and my family happiest is sharing happy memories together. So, as a part of my happiness project, I've made a resolution to try to be the storekeeper of happy memories for my family. I've started lots of little projects to work toward this resolution--a scrapbook for Flannery, a family tree record for both sides of our family, and more recently, I've been trying to make a DVD for the grandmothers of all the videos we have of Flannery's life so far. This weekend, as Mothers' Day is fast approaching, I've spent a ton of time on the video project, and I actually finished it! I now have a finished product--a DVD with 4 chapters (from infant to 3 year old). It's not perfect, but it's done! My husband, daughter, and I watched it today. It's really adorable. Flanna screamed and laughed and fell off the couch a few hundred times as we were watching it. I guess it was a hit!

One of my favorite times from our Easter family get-togethers was playing the piano with Flanna and Robi's mom (see the photo above!) But a really close second was when Robi's dad and aunt told some stories about Robi's extended family. I was so glad to hear some of these stories, and couldn't believe that Robi's cousins hadn't heard the stories, either. Good thing we sat around sharing memories that day!

Here's one of the doozies: Robi's aunt told the story that his great-grandma Lula had just had her first daughter, and the baby was around 3 months old when they had to move to another house. So, they packed up an old truck with all of their things, and they sat in the front of the truck. On the way to the new house, the truck hit a huge bump, and Lula was thrown out and was run over by the truck. (I guess this was before seat-belts!) The baby was fine somehow, but Lula had broken ribs, & some other injuries, and was taken to the hospital. She stayed there for many months, unable to walk or to take care of her baby. A doctor at the hospital actually asked Lula if he and his wife (who were unable to have kids) could adopt her baby. Lula seriously considered it, because she was in such bad shape, but ultimately, she refused. (I guess family helped take care of the baby during this time?) Anyway, after a few months, Lula was laying in bed, and she "saw" some tiny angels dance from the open hospital window to the foot of her hospital bed. They circled around her dancing for a few minutes, and then went back out the window. At that point, she decided that she was going to try to get up and walk, and she did. She went back home soon after and took care of her baby, and also had other children after that (doctors had told her she wouldn't be able to have more children because of the accident). She heard years later that the doctor who had asked to adopt her baby had committed suicide. She was so glad she hadn't subjected her baby to a "better" life that would actually end in tragedy.

Crazy stuff, huh?



What cool stories from your family do you just love?

Cereal Can Make You Happy

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! Today's focus is Katie.

Katie was the assistant principal at a school where I used to work. (She’s now the principal there---yay, Katie!) I always remember that school, and that job in particular, as a happiness oasis in my past work experiences. And a big part of that was due to Katie. She always had a smile and a laugh ready, and she took the time to ask her teachers and staff about their lives, and to share in their joys and concerns. I was thrilled that, even with her busy life as a principal and mom of two, she found time to do a happiness interview! Here are her answers to my happiness questions:

1. What's something small that you do regularly that makes you happy or cheers you up?

Lately I have eaten a LOT of Chocolatey Delight Special K– yum! [By the way, that really is Chocolatey Delight Special K in the photo! Don't you want some now?] Of course, I don’t want to feed happiness, or I will be a blimp. Being in my husband’s arms or spending time with my daughters is the best pick me up around. God has blessed me with a beautiful family, and for that I am thankful. Often, I call my husband and just ask him to talk for just a minute or two. Just the sound of his voice helps. Jumping on the trampoline is a silly pick me up. Going into our Pre-K or special needs preschool classes is a pick me up. Oh, and I forgot to mention puppy kisses. They are the greatest!

2. What would you like for your children to know about happiness?

I try to stress all the time that although we may not have lots of money, we are so rich -– we are happy and healthy. Happiness is the most important thing to hope for in life. Strive for happiness, and your life will be good. Of course, there will always be sadness in life, but maybe that helps us to recognize the happiness that much more.

3. What do you do to keep yourself and your family happy amidst life's struggles?

We spend time together in a variety of silly ways. We always kiss goodbye, always give a happy hello, take deep breaths. I just try to keep putting life in perspective -– and to remember that there is nothing more important than family.

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I agree that chocolate, preschoolers, puppies, and hugs from my husband and daughter are really the best pleasures in life! I also love that Katie said that one of the things she does to keep her family happy is to be silly. I think we often discount the whole idea of being silly with the ones we love, and it’s a really important part of family happiness!



What are your favorite silly family memories from when you were a kid?

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On an unrelated, but totally amazing, sidenote, I just stumbled upon the blog of a young mom who had a traumatic brain injury, as well as her mom's blog documenting the ordeal, the recovery, and the miracles along the way. Talk about finding happiness amidst crippling struggles. This family shares the horror, the hope, and everything in between. I stayed up until after midnight reading this story, and am inspired and humbled by it.

Too Fun For Words!

We've been too busy having fun for me to have time to write about it all. So here are some of the highlights in photos:


What have you enjoyed best about this weekend?

Look Back Once in a While

Every once in a while, I'm trying to post interviews with amazing and insightful people who inspire me! This week's focus is Dana. Dana is a fellow SLP working in early intervention in Georgia. She has 3 children and owns her own speech practice. She balances work & family seamlessly, so I was interested to hear her answers to my happiness questions. Here they are:

1. What's something small that you do regularly that makes you happy or cheers you up?

I look at home videos of my kids when they were babies. It really makes me appreciate how quickly they are growing and changing. Listening to their laughter or words makes me happy.

2. What would you like for your children to know about happiness?

Happiness is priceless. It costs nothing. Little things like sunny days can make you feel happy.

3. What do you do to keep yourself and your family happy amidst life's struggles?

Try to keep routines, like having dinner together. The routine of sitting down and talking about our day is something that we all look forward to.

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I completely agree that looking back at videos of my daughter gives me a huge happiness boost. There's something about watching adorable memories unfold that puts the little stresses of life in perspective. Thanks, Dana, for your insights! (And by the way, the video at the top is of my little one's first steps! Enjoy the excitement!)


By the way, I really enjoyed this post from my friend Lauren, who writes the blog Sharing the Journey. Her idea about "treating yourself" one sense at a time each day of the week is something I'd like to try!


What memories make you happy?

It's Easter Every Day

As part of my happiness resolution to "Share and Create Family Traditions," Flannery and I made Easter cookies last weekend. From scratch, at that! Cookies are a family tradition on both sides of our family. My mom is a master cookie maker. Her chocolate chip cookies are amazing, and all my friends from childhood say one thing they remember about my house is the smell and/or taste of chocolate chip cookies. Isn't that a neat memory? And then, on my hubby's side, his aunt is an amazing cookie maker, as well. At every holiday get-together, Aunt Sharon brings beautifully decorated (and incredibly yummy!) cookies...our favorites are gingerbread men and sugar-cookie cutouts.

I really love to bake, so this is a tradition that's easy for me to keep. Any time we're looking for something to do, my first thoughts go to baking something. Flanna's gotten pretty good at measuring, pouring, and stirring carefully, and she's slowly learning how to not gorge herself on cookie dough. (I think she gets that inclination from me...Mmmm, cookie dough.)

Anyway, our Easter cookies turned out really cute, thanks to Aunt Sharon's frosting recipe and some new "neon" food coloring I found at Kroger. The neon coloring made really cute pastel colors that were still vibrant. (And now I'm excited about using it to dye our easter eggs when the time comes.)

Making cookies with my mom and sister is something I remember really enjoying, and I hope Flannery will remember our happy baking times fondly one day, too.


What traditions from your childhood do you want to keep going?

Finish a Project

My cousin recently sent me this photo of a quilt she just finished making for her oldest son. Cool, huh?

And it got me thinking. Finishing projects is really something that makes people happy.

This weekend, my daughter and I planted a little herb garden for our windowsill. Nothing big...we just planted a little cilantro, basil, and chives. But every time I walk by the little planter, it gives me a tiny happiness boost. And I bet that every time my cousin walks by the cute quilt in her son's room, she feels the same way.

Little projects are fun. I have lots of friends who knit or quilt or sew, and I really wish I did those things, because having a little finished product every now and then is satisfying. (I actually tried to learn to knit two separate times in my life, and I came to realize that I'm just not math-y enough to do it. All the counting and the patterns were just not my forte. Sad!)

So I've started a few projects that appeal to me and don't require counting or crazy amounts of concentration on my part. I'm working on my daughter's scrapbook, so that I can Be the Memory Keeper. I'm working on an art project involving my family tree, so that I can pass down family stories. Just the anticipation of these projects coming to fruition has already brought me a lot of joy. (I learned that anticipating fun brings me happiness, so I now love to plan fun events way in advance so that I can anticipate the fun for a while...it's, well, ...fun!)

So, I may never be a great quilter, or knitter. But working on my own little artsy, creative projects is pretty satisfying, too!


What project are you working on (or thinking about starting) right now?

Be the Memory Keeper

After we read books at bedtime, my daughter often asks, "Mom, can you tell me the story of when I was born?" She loves to hear about how she cried right away, and how the doctor said, "Oh, she's so strong!" (She's also interested in how exactly she got out of my belly, but we're glossing that part over for, oh, say, the next 10 years!)

When I visit my niece, too, she often asks for me to tell stories of when she was little. Since she was adopted, we don't really have the full details of her birth, but we try our best to recount a story that is as close to what happened as we know from the info we do have. And, of course, we have lots of cute stories from when she was little and called me "cheechay," and called Flannery her "baby panawee cousin."

There's something mysterious and magical about hearing happy stories about yourself when you were too little to remember everything. I hope that my daughter and niece create a life story in their head that includes how everyone around them cherished them, and enjoyed them, and regarded them as interesting at every stage of their growing up.

My sister has done a good job of being the "memory keeper" for her daughter. She saves artwork and school papers, takes pictures of every little fun outing, and made an adorable scrapbook of my niece's life so far.

I, on the other hand, am pretty good about taking pictures, but poor Flannery's artwork and school papers are strewn all over our house in random stacks and bins, with virtually no hope of ever being labeled with the correct date for posterity. Also, I recently discovered that the storage container labeled "for Flannery's scrapbook" in our storage closet actually holds random pictures from my high school, college, wedding, and grad school days, with a few photos and pieces of artwork on top that really are for her scrapbook.

Yup. I am an organizational wizard.

Anyway, I was inspired by a clearance sale on adorable Scrapbooks at Target today, and I took the plunge. I bought a scrapbook. A cute, girly, striped pink and green and brown scrapbook.

Then, I came home, and while Flannery was napping, I started organizing the few mementos I've saved for her so far into coherent scrapbook groupings. Like a lot of projects I keep putting off because I "don't have enough time," I was amazed at how quickly the project started coming together. In about an hour, I had about 10 groupings that I can one day turn into cute little pages about such topics as "the great-grandmothers," "with the grandparents," "Easter," and, my favorite, "how I've grown" (featuring paint-handprints from various ages).

I really can't believe how quickly my unorganized box of stuff became a project in-process.

And I'm excited to sit down and document some happy memories that can become part of Flannery's life story in her head.


What memories from your childhood help you define yourself?

The Best and Worst

Most of the time when I ask my daughter what her day at school was like, she says, "I don't remember." She's 3, so maybe she doesn't remember. But lately I've been tricking her into telling me a little more info, and here's how:

I'll say, "What were the Best and Worst things about today?"

And then, she'll say something like, "The best was, I made a blue picture", or "The worst was, I fell off of the swing", or if I'm lucky, she might even say something like, "The best was when you came and had lunch with me." Hey, I'm going to enjoy those for the short time they last!

I also like to use the "Best and Worst" strategy after we've gone somewhere together as a family, to review it on our way home. I love hearing what each person's best and worst were. It's a good icebreaker for those shy or quiet family members, and it's a nice way to figure out what each person likes best, too.

One word of warning, though. We as parents tend to want our kids to never experience a "worst" situation. But I think it's good for kids to talk about bad stuff, as important as processing the good stuff. So, when your child says, "The worst was when we saw that monkey who was so loud!" on the way home from the zoo, you have to catch yourself from saying, "Oh, that wasn't so bad, really!" The bad stuff can be validated, and kids actually move on more quickly from it if their feelings are reflected back without judgment. So, you could say something like, "Yeah, you didn't like that part at all!", or "You thought those monkeys were too loud!" My favorite child -talk authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk) really convinced me of the importance of reflecting back what kids say to us, so that they learn to trust their own intuition about things.

Anyway, some of my happiest memories are things that at the time, I had listed as my "best" for the day. Maybe saying the moment out loud to others soon after it happened solidified it in my memory...I'm not sure. But, in any case, the "Best and Worst" strategy is one I'm going to keep using whenever I can!

So, for today: My best thing was snuggling on the couch with my dogs at the end of the day.
My worst thing was the horrible dizzy nauseating icky migraine I had.


What ice breaker strategies do you use to get your family to open up to one another?

Be Ridiculous

It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridic- ulous that you realize just how much you love them.
--Agatha Christie

My happiness commandment #4 is "Have Fun." Other ways I remember that commandment are:

"Be silly."
"Make jokes."
and
"Lighten up."

Anyway, after finding this quote, maybe I'll start telling myself, "Be ridiculous." more often.

It made me smile to think back on little moments of ridiculous-ness that make me love my friends and family. Here are some that I hope my friends and family won't mind me sharing!

Robi racing an ostrich at the zoo.
Kelley with curlers in her hair (in public!) before homecoming
Alex doing karaoke.
Dana with paint on her hands, jacket, shirt…everywhere.
My mom dressed up for Halloween to pass out candy.
Rachel wiggling her teeth.
My 6’2’’ dad sitting at the kiddie table coloring with my niece.
Padme (our dog) standing on her hind legs begging for food.
Rachel by the naked man art at her baby shower.
Mema letting Flannery squeeze her face while she kisses her.
Julie getting flour all over her making the cake for Christy's wedding shower.
My sister sleeping on the edge of her bed to make room for her huge dog.
My mother-in-law sliding down the kiddie slide at the bouncing place with the kiddos.
Robi and Shaun dressed as chefs on junior prom night.
Randi walking in her garden dressed as a cat.
My mom dancing to music while she cleaned the house when I was growing up.
Kelley playing ring around-the-rosie at Chili’s with the princess-dress-up girls.
A mom of one of my clients bouncing on the trampoline with her kiddo.
Holly & Christy pretending to be articulating arytenoid cartilage during one of our study sessions.
My brother-in-law enthusiastically hunting Easter eggs at 20 years of age.
So many adults wearing pointy birthday hats at my daughter’s birthday party.
Kelley after getting her hair done by my niece.


What ridiculous thing will you be remembered (and loved!) for?

My 3 Things

My daughter and I are spending a few days with my sister and my 6 year old niece, and I've been paying a lot of attention to the mood we create for our time together. So far, I think we've managed to be lighthearted, and even downright silly, most of the time. Which has made for some fun times. And for some pretty well-behaved kiddos. And also, my daughter and niece won't let me forget to keep a little happy tradition every evening that I think is not only boosting our happiness, but that hopefully is also helping the girls shape a positive view of themselves.

Every night as we tuck them into bed, we tell them their "3 things" for the day. These are just 3 things that they did well that day. The 3 things usually range from things like,

"You shared your toys without complaining today. That was so generous." to

"You ran really fast to catch the dog when he got loose on our walk. That was athletic." to

"You tried 2 new foods you'd never tasted before at the restaurant today. That was super brave."

It's amazing how much these 3 little things puff up the girls with pride before bed. And how they will nod in agreement with each specific little statement like it's a secret they've long known about themselves that we are just discovering.



What were you really good at as a child? Did those strengths become things that make you happy now? (Like, I used to be pretty good at art back in the day, and I still really enjoy making something beautiful, like a well-wrapped gift for a friend.)

The Long and Winding Road

Tomorrow I'm going to be brave and travel by myself for 7 hours (at least) in the car with my 3 year old. Don't worry, the portable DVD player and VTech handheld game are charging up as we speak.

Which buys me, um, maybe 1.75 hours of peaceful driving.

For the other 5.25 hours (or more, depending on traffic and restless toddler legs), please say several, er, um, many, intense prayers for my sanity tomorrow.

I'm going to visit my fabulous and wonderful extended family, and to spend a few peaceful days in a house in the woods.

Ahhhh. The woods.

I really can't wait!


What fun time are you anticipating?

Be a Storehouse of Happy Memories

Sometimes I get more happiness out of reminiscing about moments than actually experiencing the moment.

I just ordered some photo flip books chronicling our Christmas experience for my daughter and my niece. (Have I mentioned my unhealthy addiction to Snapfish?) I REALLY enjoyed looking back through all of our photos of our celebrations! Is it strange that I enjoy remembering the moments more than actually experiencing the moments?

Take Christmas eve. We were staying at my sister's house, so we let my daughter and niece have a sleepover in the same room for Xmas eve (actually, in a huge princess tent with matching sleeping bags, but you get the idea). The girls wore matching pajamas, set out cookies and milk for Santa, and then giggled and talked when they should've been getting to sleep. A-dor-a-ble, huh?

Strange thing is, though, all this adorability was kind of lost on me. I was busy trying to remember where we'd hidden all the gifts, trying to count to make sure everything was going to be even gift-wise in the morning, willing my child to fall asleep before 3 a.m. in her crazy overexcited state, and trying to hop myself up on enough cough medicine that I might possibly sleep as well (did I mention I've had some upper respiratory funk for about 2 weeks now?!).

Anyway, I'm SO glad I looked back at those cute pictures. And I really can't wait to recount the holiday fun with my daughter when my Snapfish photo book arrives! I'm trying to be a storehouse of happy family memories, and it's already making me happier. Fingers crossed that it makes the family happier as a whole, too.

In any case, at least some CEO at Snapfish is getting happy watching profits pour in thanks to me! Ah, the many ways I spread joy. Maybe next year I'll miraculously be able to be in the moment more, so that I can enjoy the fun times while they're actually happening. Here's to growth!


What happy memories do you enjoy reflecting on from your own holiday?